September 16, 2004
There is seriously something wrong with me
I can't believe myself.

I am relieved that I have one student out today. Possibly others due to this hurricane coming towards us. Because my class will be so small (1-2 students) today and the principal needs some help in the office desperately, my class will join the pre-K class for the day. This means I am free for the day, but not really because I will be doing a ton of office work. What kind of sickness do I have that I just don't want to be with those boys for a day? I need to regroup and get to a point where I feel I have some kind of control again, they ran me ragged Tuesday. Is it wrong to look forward to office work simply because I know I am good at it? Shouldn't I be compelled to be with the students and impact their lives in a positive way? I just want to be in the office today. Selfish me.

I am relieved that I don't have to face my mom's group today. Why? Again the bad weather will be keeping most of us at home (or in my case, at school where I should be anyway). Is it wrong to be relieved that a bad storm is keeping me from fulfilling commitments on this particular day? I think it is. I think I am losing it to feel relief in spite of the fact that I am concerned for everyone on the Gulf Coast who have been devastated by this hurricane overnight. I have friends who live in Pensacola. Close friends. Who have a one year old son. Will they go back to their one year old home and find they have lost everything? Where do you live when that happens? I know they can go to the Tampa area where their families live, but what about his job? In Pensacola? I am so saddened to think of what so many people have lost overnight - they think up to 9 people died so far. The tornado watch area covers part of 3 states, all the way up to the Macon area.

Let's not forget to pray for Sandi's family and Cara's family that all live in middle Georgia.

But I am relieved. Man, just pray for me to get over this anxiety about my responsibilities. I am calling the doctor today to get more medication. My brain is making crazy thoughts - how can I be worried about a bad storm but relieved it means I get out of some responsibility today? I can't live like this. I appreciate your support and cyber hugs. I am not in such a pit of despair that I can't be realistic about what is going on in my life - that is why I am calling the dr. today.

Until next time, God Bless You.
Posts written by humble servant
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