September 03, 2006
The PinaTa
As I was dragged through the store, I felt something tear... I was being crushed, pulled apart near my lower extremity... Pieces of me, my beautiful ribbons, were carelessly scooped off the floor and wadded into a strong fist in frustration. I was tossed, along with other supplies for a party, upon the counter to be paid for. The buyer didn't realize he'd broken me before I was even purchased.
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I was ruthlessly shoved into a confining plastic bag and again tossed, this time into a hot furnace-like box, only to be jostled for about 25 miles. At our destination, I was taken into a cool place, yet I was left to suffocate in that plastic mummy-like chamber until the sun rose the next morning.
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A woman came in and carefully took me out of my confinement, and realized I was broken. She began shouting, but how could I explain the fault was not my own? I heard that strong man saying "Who the hell ever heard of a PULL-THE-RIBBON PINATA?! What is that anyway?!"
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I was carefully placed on a nice soft bed, but the woman walked away. A few minutes later, the man (who has, by this point, proven he is a dummy since he'd never heard of a pull-the-ribbon pinata AND he apparently left a whole case of beer in a cooler with water for two weeks and the bottle caps were all rusted. Who does that?) came in and roughly picked me up and then started shoving candy up my wazoo. He kept doing it - as if pulling my ribbons out weren't bad enough, he felt it necessary to assault me yet again. Then, he shoved a piece of cardboard in, to try to patch up the hole. And then the nice, hardworking woman came in to tape me up.
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Moments later, I heard loud noises coming from the other room. I lay there, on the floor next to that soft bed, waiting to know what would happen next to me. I nearly cringed each time I heard footsteps, weary of that mean man... I heard lots of talking, and lots of laughing children. The smells wafted in and I thought they must be having a picnic feast. More and more voices, as the room filled next door. After a while, the chattering quieted while a girl was obviously enjoying her gifts - and what a reader! She wanted to make sure each person in the room heard what each card said.
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Then there was cake and ice cream. I started shaking, knowing that man was going to come back soon. And he did. He grabbed me and stealthily slipped out the back door. He tried to find a spot in a tree for me, but it just wasn't going to happen that way. His life (-giving abilities) would be endangered since he had to hold me on the end of a shower curtain rod.
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Those kids were brutal, whacking at me with a broomstick over and over. Each time, the cardboard patch was jarred and a piece of that blasted candy fell out - you can imagine my humiliation at this public display of incontinence. Those kids screamed so loud each time a piece of candy fell, you would have thought the house caught fire. Finally, the woman - in her infinite wisdom - insisted that the birthday girl pull all the remaining ribbons in order to end my suffering. And man, when I lost my load, those kids went wild! Even the neighbor was laughing from his yard.
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After that, the kids scrambled to get the candy from the ground and I was picked up in pieces and taken to the garbage can. Soon after, I heard car after car fill up with children and then drive away from the house. It was a ridiculously exhausting 24 hours.
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At least the birthday girl thought it was a great party.
Posts written by humble servant
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