It happened. The explosion came. I'm in pieces.
Please pray.
I have to admit something is very wrong. It is possible that there is something more wrong than I've ever known. I've been reading tonight (after a drug-induced sleep until midnight). I went to bed at 7:30. It is approaching 2 and there doesn't seem to be sleep on the horizon for me. My thoughts are jumbled and I keep deleting whole sentences and paragraphs because when I reread what I'm writing it doesn't make much sense. You ever feel like you can't get a grip on what's swimming around in your head? I'm reluctant to share what's really going on and what happened today because some close friends (IRL) read this blog. I even feel reluctant to share this with those of you who I've met through here.
What happened today was ugly. As A pointed out, I knew something was on the verge of happening, but apparently, I didn't know how to stop it. We had an argument and how I've been feeling turned it into something beyond what it was. Turned it into something ugly and wrong. Turned it into so much pain, I'm not sure we'll recover.
He and the girls would be better off without me here fucking up their lives.
