Today would have been my dad's 19th wedding anniversary, if he'd lived past August, 1994.
I had a simple plan of taking my mom to a healing mass this afternoon and getting some folks to pray (more) for her in particular. Now, I did have alterior motives, since going to mass means I receive eucharist and I need it as much as possible these days. Aside from mass and prayers afterwards, I really had no other plans for the day, other than spending some time with my mom and helping her with anything she might need.
Well, I awoke late (it was nearly 9!) and felt guilty that MIL had been up with the girls. I know she enjoys the private time with them on the mornings we are there, but I can't help but think their presence also intrudes on what is normally her quiet solitude each day. After a quick getting ready, I loaded up our stuff (not much since it was one overnight stay) and the girls and headed out. We stopped at a major discount store to get the girls some swimsuits to leave at Mimi's (she and Pop got a pool last summer). I ended up buying my mom an outfit too, since she mentioned yesterday that if she's going to start having a social life and going to church, she's going to have to buy some clothes. I know that there is a big question mark about how she will pay the mortgage next month, so I thought we'd forego a couple dinners out and I will pick up a few things for her when I can.
Well, strangely, time got away from us and we were rushing to get out the door to mass. The girls were thrilled to be able to stay with my mom's cousin and swim while we went to mass. They were in that pool all afternoon, breaking only for lunch and potty breaks. After mass, my mom and I stopped to pick up a hard drive I ordered yesterday (terrified we are going to lose the stuff on our computer before the new one comes - this thing is a beast, crashing after about 20 minutes at its worst). We also stopped at the grocery to pick up a few things for dinner (I hadn't known I was staying that late) and she surprised me by announcing she wanted to go by the tow yard. I didn't want to take her, but I knew she'd go alone, so we stopped. I really wasn't interested in seeing the wrecked bike again, but she didn't want to see it alone...
When we got back in the car she accused me of thinking her weak (I had discouraged her from seeing the motorcycle). And then she went on to tell me all the tough things she's gone through in her life, which I know very well. And I gently tried to explain that I wasn't accusing her of being weak or anything else, I just didn't see the good it would do for her to see the wrecked bike that her love had died upon - the bike that she was pissed he bought only a month before. That even though he was happy on the bike, it ultimately did lead to his death even if the fault was not Pop's. So, instead of her being upset or crying or something, she was pissed at me for having told her she shouldn't go see it.
Back at her house, there was a message that one of Pop's friends was going to clean out his locker at work tonight and bring its contents over in the morning. She would have none of that. She didn't want anyone, not his boss, not his friend, nobody, to touch his things. She wanted to do it herself. She wanted a peak into his life outside of home, I suspect. On the phone, one of the guys told me she shouldn't do it - that there were some pictures he was certain she would not want to see, implying that he had some pinups or something. Well, come on, we are adults and if she doesn't know that he looks at chicks in bathing suits after being with him 16 years, then she's clueless. She didn't want to go alone and I offered her cousin the honor, but she refused, preferring to watch my girls frolick in the pool. So, out we went again, to get it done before dinner.
There were no nudie pictures in his locker, unless you count the one of my mom from about 23 years ago in a tiny string bikini (not that there was much to cover anyway, busty my mom was not). It was a bit more upsetting emotionally to find that the goofy magnet my mom bought him for his birthday was on the outside of his locker and the inside of the door was plastered with pictures of his family - several of my girls, several of his grandson (his older son has a child that we have only met like once, but the mother was sending pictures occasionally - from Orlando), old old pictures of himself and friends, and a picture of my when I was 20 and a friend had come to visit at spring break, only a few months after I moved to FL. There were other odds and ends and some things my mom will have to go through, but it was incredibly sad that we were able to erase the physical evidence of 10+ years in a matter of 5 minutes. We were touched that the guys there took the time to offer their condolences and express their own sadness, each one telling personal stories of time they worked with Pop. But still sad that we walked out of there with a plastic bag that held the flimsy evidence of long hours, great pride and a big part of my stepfather's life. I hope those guys hold dear in their hearts the memories of B, allowing him to hover around a place that really brought him a lot of satisfaction.
And then back to my mom's for dinner. By this time, I really just wanted to load up the kids and head home, but my mom was adamant about us staying for dinner.
We made it home without incident, about half hour later than I wanted, but about another 2 years older. This was a day that I did not inted to have this emotional weight so firmly placed upon me. I wouldn't change it, I want my mom to lean on me as much as she needs to for as long as she needs to. I just hadn't planned on emotional stuff today. (selfish of me? probably)
However, I can't wait for tomorrow. A day of cleaning and laundry and schoolwork.
Ahhh, the simplicity of home.
