It's embarrassing not to know what's going on with your body.
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When you've just told your gyn at your annual visit that you had a(nother) early miscarriage last month, it's extra embarrassing when she assesses that you likely didn't have a miscarriage at all.
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So, we don't know. We suspect, but there's a likelihood that what happened last month was break-through bleeding.
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That would mean we're at about 9 weeks, which is shocking. But exciting. And anxiety-laden. And somewhat worrisome (where are my symptoms?!). And exciting. And explanatory of some of my behavior in the past weeks (exhausted, emotional, did I mention tired? Oh, and let's not forget that lump I felt way down in my abdomen that I was worried was a hernia or muscle strain after doing a hundred crunches last week - that? probably my uterus. I am so dense.). And exciting!
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Of course, right now, we know nothing. I'm not one who felt like I needed to run out and buy a urine test after going to the lab for a blood draw. But today, I'm feeling differently. I'm anxious. I want to know. I don't want to wait a day or two for numbers that at this stage might mean only the need for further investigation. There was initially the concern of an ectopic, but after doing an exam, my doctor thinks that isn't probably the situation.
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So, we wait. Not-so-patiently. And we pray that if I am, in fact, pregnant, that all is well and healthy - and if it's not all and well and healthy, that I have an attitude of acceptance of whatever is God's will.
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So, if you pray, please slip a prayer or two in for us. I'll keep you posted.
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Update: Today at work I did a urine pregnancy test and it was negative. This just brings up more questions, since my uterus was all enlarged and stuff. One person told me that just because the urine test was negative doesn't mean I didn't get pregnant in February (though my last period was short and light and now I'm late anyway by 4 days for this period). So, we're still in wait and see mode. I have to be honest and tell you that I was beyond disappointed when I saw that negative test this afternoon though. I wonder if it's a bad idea to think about TRYING to get pregnant? I suppose that's a conversation for after we find out what's going on now.
