If you know me at all, you know that I've been longing for another baby for years. We have two living daughters and many other angels that have gone before we were ready to let go. You can read about our most challenging loss here (read onto the next entry by clicking at the bottom of that page). We have been pregnant 9 times. It sounds like a sad story, for sure, but make no mistake, we are incredibly grateful for our two beautiful daughters.
It doesn't stop the shame and slight achiness in my chest, however, when I hear others' fantastic news.
And this summer, I am going to be overwhelmed by the joy of others. We have 6 babies due this summer in the circles of our friendships.
Our first goddaughter is going to have a baby brother in May. This will be our friends' third baby in less than 3 years. I do not envy that. Seriously. I do not even think I have the grace to handle three in diapers. They live just outside Atlanta.
Another Atlanta baby! My dear friend, Becca, is expecting her second daughter in June. We are beyond thrilled for their family. And we know Rach will make a fantastic big sister!
And another Atlanta baby! Other friends are expecting #4 in July. Their oldest is a girl just about Silly Sally's age. My guess is that they will have another boy - giving them girl, boy, girl, boy. I pray this little babe is mellow and offsets his/her older sister, who is wild at 2.
Friends in central Georgia (was there something in the water in Georgia last fall?!?!) are expecting #s 5 & 6 in July (actually the same week as my friends immediately above). This family is incredibly sweet and I know that the new babies - both boys - are going to be adored by their older sister and brothers.
Finally, a friend in DC is expecting her first in July. I don't know if she plans to find out the sex or not, but I know she could use the most prayers. She's an established career woman and is slightly freaking out about whether or not she will know what to do as a mother. I am planning to put together a booklet for her with all the advice she doesn't need. Kind of like a "stuff-people-tell-you-that-means-absolutely-nothing-when-you-actually-bring-the-baby-home". A funny book about all the bad advice people give you as you prepare for your first baby. I'm thrilled to accept your stories for addition into the book. I'm thinking "what not to expect when you're expecting, even though everyone else seems to think you should expect it"...
I am thrilled for all my friends. But I can't help my weakness seeping in and smacking me upside the head, as if God is taunting me with my inability to maintain pregnancy (heck, I haven't even ovulated in 2+ years, so staying pregnant is hardly my current problem). So, this Lent, I am committed to really trying to lay this "burden" at the foot of the Cross. I'd like to just feel content with where we are right now - even if I can't get to the place right now where I feel like our family is "complete".
And seriously, I'm wondering how I can plan to be in Georgia for about 6 weeks this summer so we can be around for all these babies. It is going ot be incredibly exciting!!
