May 09, 2005
Filler
Sue mentioned a naughty dream she had recently. Then she asked us to share any interesting movies played in our subconscious minds during slumber. Well, I refused to tell of mine in her comment section. I figure this stuff deserves a blog entry of its own.
I don't often have sexual dreams, unless I am pregnant. And then, look out! I have some crazy ones. One stands out in my mind, though - from my pregnancy with V - it's been 5 years already since these inappropriate things were going on in my subconscience. You might want to grab a drink, but have a napkin nearby - in case you have to wipe off your computer monitor if I catch you off guard and you splutter your soda all over the place with laughter.
When I was pregnant, A and I were involved in a teen ministry at church. No, we were not teens - we were part of the adult team that worked with the teens. Anyway, being involved in this program meant that we got to really know the kids we were with every Sunday. Some kids were reluctant to open up depending on their background and their comfort level with the adults (none of their parents were permitted to be part of the ministry - it was an environment of complete acceptance and safety, without fear of what their parents might say).
There was one kid who had some problems with some of the adult males - he was kind of obnoxious and really was an instigator at times. Some of the men decided that he should be asked to not come back. I stepped in and told them all to back off and requested that the youth minister and I be the only adults to talk to the boy. I felt that this boy needed us more than any of the other kids there, as it had come out in small group one night that he'd been abused by his mother and his parents had had an ugly divorce - not to mention the series of behavioral problems he had that had caused him to be kicked out of 3 high schools in the county in the past couple years. Well, once the men backed off, the boy became more respectful and I swear I was the first adult woman to treat him with respect and love. The more pregnant I appeared, the more polite he acted and eventually, he became a greeter for our Sunday night mass. He and I had really connected in an abused/kinship kinda way and he was able to talk about things in our small group that he'd not been able to talk to anyone about before. He got better and better throughout the summer and when school started that fall, he was allowed back into mainstream high school where he went on to be successful and earned the highest grades of his academic life.
Now, I am not saying that I changed this boy. But I know that my respect for him allowed him to see that he was worthy and also allowed him to open his heart to the possibility that others cared as well. Including his well-intentioned but poorly equipped father.
Anyway, I was supposed to be talking about dreams, wasn't I? Okay, remember that I was pregnant.... and when I am pregnant, I am about the horniest woman on the planet. I woke up one night (let's face it, I woke up a lot of nights), completely freaked out about what had happened in a dream. I was at a party and the boy from church, we'll call him Joe, was there. Well, for some reason, he was flirting with me. And I was flirting back. madly. And well, that was it.
I had the stupidity to tell my antagonistic husband about this rather unfortunate dream - why did I have this weird and disturbing dream? did I unconsciously want to flirt with him? or worse? did it mean that I was really having inappropriate intentions with this teenage boy? Gosh, I was freaking out.
Well, I had more dreams. The next one, was more of the same, just Joe and me flirting. The one after that, we were making out! Oh. my. gosh. I nearly resigned from youth ministry after that. It was seriously traumatizing to me that I was having dreams like that about this boy. A just kept laughing his a$$ off at me - and he'd tease me about it on the way to church every Sunday. (why did I tell him that the dream was recurring? I should have just kept my mouth shut, but those of you who know me IRL, know that I just. can't. shut. up.) I refused to have this boy in my small group after these dreams started - I couldn't even look him in the eye. I am certain he thought I'd lost my marbles, but I didn't care. I was so embarrassed - and it isn't like anybody else there even knew.
It never went further than kissing and making out, but those dreams bothered me practically up until V was born. Thank goodness they stopped after that. But, the stress of working full-time and caring for a newborn was too much and when she was about 5 months old, we resigned anyway. It's been 4 years since I've seen that boy, but dam* if every time I've been pregnant, I haven't had those same weird dreams of him.
Sick, I tell ya. Absolutely sick. And did I mention that I could have probably just squeezed my legs together and had an O after those dreams, my body was so turned on. Absolutely horrifying.
So, there you have it, my friends. A dirty little secret and a naughty dream all rolled into one.
Posts written by humble servant
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