I don't know if or when I will post here regularly again, but for now, I am beginning to flex my writing muscles through my heart over here.
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May you find yourself drawing closer to the Truth during the next 40 days.
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Until next time, God bless you!
February 17, 2010
Still Seeking
July 15, 2009
Patience
Before the other kids came for the summer, I struggled with how much patience I would have with five children. Granted, I was struggling at the time with an idea rather than fact because I still only had my two girls here with me.
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I warned my own children that my patience would be divided further once there were three additional kids in our family (albeit temporarily). My thoughts were this: if I have, say, ten units of patience and they are currently being divided among two children (sort of an 80-20 split, if you know what I mean), then those same ten units of patience were not going to go nearly as far with 5 total children.
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My husband pointed out that though I'd been praying for more patience, God would not necessarily give it to me before the moment it was absolutely needed. And that has turned out to be true. I am amazed at how I've been able to keep my cool, when previously I'd lose it a bit more frequently than I'm comfortable with or even comfortable admitting.
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The visiting children have come from an environment where respect is not modeled well (read: at all) and their behavior reflects that accurately. These children treat each other and the people around them with such disregard and unkindness that it has really impacted my daughters negatively. My girls are stressed and unhappy that there is so much fighting going on around them, and my younger one has been the target of teasing and taunting all summer, merely because she is the youngest (and the "gifted" ones view her as stupid).
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The oldest (girl) and youngest (boy) are labeled by the school as outstanding students, both "gifted". The parents and grandparents have rewarded them for this. You can imagine that the middle child is marginalized even further in this situation. He is viewed as the instigator of squabbles and the one who has the hardest time reigning in his anger. Surprisingly, we have seen this summer that not only is the middle child more respectful of the adults, but he is the first to volunteer to be a helper when one is requested. He is the first to thank me when we go out to do something fun. While he does have a hard time reigning in his temper at times, he's just not being taught regularly how to cope with his anger in a less destructive way. As a matter of fact, none of them are being taught this.
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The two "gifted" children have been further damaged by this idea that they are somehow more special - not accountable for their actions because of their superior intelligence. They have nasty attitudes (likely an outward sign of their own anger at their life situation) and speak down to everyone, including us. They talk back and frequently act mean.
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Please note that I am not in any way complaining about these children. They are definitely products of a particular environment. But I am writing these things, not just to be honest, but to point out the effect putting three emotionally stunted and ill-adjusted children into a stable and healthy family. The effect has been immense. I am exhausted every day from the constant behavior monitoring and intervention, not to mention the emotional exhaustion from being completely disrespected by 11- and 7 year-old children.
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I can only assume that these children have never been expected to clean up after themselves (or it's never been enforced) as my house is in constant disarray. They have to be reminded multiple times at each meal to put their dishes in the sink or dishwasher and clean their place at the table, in addition to about 50 other instances where they just leave a disaster in their wake.
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My children are not spotless and sometimes have to be reminded to pick up after themselves, but I have more than quintupled the time I am spending asking for children to clean up after themselves, in spite of only doubling the number of kids.
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Each day, I have carefully reminded the girl of our expectations about behavior and the appropriate way to interact with others, only to have to send her to her room for being mean to others and shouting/screaming/shrieking at me. (As I type, she is in her room, having lost her priveleges and not permitted to help at VBS as she has been this week.) If there were a day I wished I could put her on a plane back to her home state, that day would be yesterday. And today. Hopefully not tomorrow.
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It's been challenging, to say the least, but I have to continue to HOPE that the Lord is using this time in ways I cannot see. Because the behavior? it has not changed much. My greatest struggle has been to see my own children hurting and stressed. We've worked to send them off with friends for some time away from the madness and that has helped. And I've spent extra time cuddling with them or just whispering sweet things to them and thanking them for being as kind as they have been through all of this. They have not handled it perfectly (they're kids!), but considering how much our world has been turned upside down, I think we're all doing pretty well.
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But I do have to admit that I am now at the point where I am counting down the days until our family reverts to 4. I plan to spend next Wednesday afternoon curled on the couch with my girls tucked in next to me and a couple movies. Or a trip to the park and then a movie. ANYTHING, just alone with my girls.
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SO much good has come out of this summer for our family. I hope good has also come out of it for our friends' family, but right now, I just can't see it.
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Until next time, keep plugging along and God bless you.
July 12, 2009
Summertime
I realize it's been more than two months since I last posted. It's been enough for me to get through the days, really. Right after last time, the girls and I were away for almost two weeks. We went to Savannah for a day with friends on our way to Florida. We did not spend as much time with our family as we might have liked (noone seemed able to join us in Orlando during our week's vacation), but we had a relaxing family vacation camped by the pool.
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Upon our return, it was full speed ahead to finish schoolwork for the year and prepare for three summer visitors. Some friends have had a rough go of it the past few years and their children have suffered greatly as a result. The kids have been living with their 70-ish year-old grandparents for the past school year and needed to have some fun for the summer. So, we invited them to come up.
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I won't go into too many details, but when you are a kid who comes from a chaotic family life, you don't necessarily behave in an appropriate way. It makes me very sad that these kids I've known and loved since their births would be in this situation and so ill-adjusted. It's been a challenging summer for all of us. I think I will be writing about it some in the coming weeks, particularly after they go home in 9 days. This experience has turned my world upside down in so many ways.
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We have tried to do many fun things with all these kids (5!!! All the same ages!!!), but their behavior and attitudes prevents us from doing all that we've wanted. All the same, we have managed a number of fun things this summer and no matter how challenging it's been, it has been pretty awesome so far compared to last summer (when I couldn't move much, due to my knee injury and subsequent surgery).
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This coming week will be filled to the brim with incredible things, starting each day with Vacation Bible School. I think we'll start earlier with mass most mornings. In the afternoons, I have a few things up my sleeves and if we can figure out a hotel, we'll be heading to DC for the entire weekend.
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All this to say.... I don't know what. I suppose one day, when I close all this down, I'll archive it first and be able to look back and see what I was doing with my family in the summer of Aught Nine.
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Until next time, God bless you!
April 24, 2009
God's Abundant Mercy
Our homeschool group participates in a monthly Children's Adoration and Holy Half Hour. It was this morning - and it happens to be my single favorite half hour block of time in the entire month. Usually, a class from the parish school joins us for this special time before the Lord. Today, it was a tiny group, but no less powerful.
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Our pastor (or associate pastor) gives a short teaching on Jesus to the kids (and adults), a musician leads us in a few songs and we have quiet prayer time in front of Jesus on the altar.
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Yesterday, I felt overwhelmed at the prospect of this really happening - that we are going to have three more children, not in 6 weeks as we'd planned. In two weeks, we will drive about a thousand miles home with 5 children in the back of our van. And I was starting to freak out at this reality. It isn't that I don't love these children (they're practically family), but that they have been through so much and I want to do the best thing for them. On the one hand, the steadiness and security and outpouring of love in our family is clear and far more than they've experienced in recent months/years. On the other hand, where they are now, they at least get to see their parents on weekends. Obviously, the trade-off is immense.
Yesterday, I felt overwhelmed at the prospect of this really happening - that we are going to have three more children, not in 6 weeks as we'd planned. In two weeks, we will drive about a thousand miles home with 5 children in the back of our van. And I was starting to freak out at this reality. It isn't that I don't love these children (they're practically family), but that they have been through so much and I want to do the best thing for them. On the one hand, the steadiness and security and outpouring of love in our family is clear and far more than they've experienced in recent months/years. On the other hand, where they are now, they at least get to see their parents on weekends. Obviously, the trade-off is immense.
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Will two months with our family help to ease their suffering in any way? Will this time help them to see God's mercy and love for them? Can we make much of a difference in such a short time? And if not us, than can God use our time with them for their good and growth in Him? Are our own children going to be okay through all of this? Will they thrive in spite of less attention from their parents? Will our marriage withstand well the stress of suddenly taking on three additional children, even for a few months? Of course, I don't know the answers to those questions, but I have to believe that His answer is "Yes!"
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This morning, I was overwhelmed by the love and mercy that poured over me during this time of praise and thanksgiving. I prayed yesterday that God would give us everything we need this summer as we temporarily grow our family by 3 more children. That He would provide all the patience and grace I need to care for them, that He would give Husband all he needs to support a family of seven in material and spiritual ways.
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I might not have the patience now for 5 children 24/7, but I don't need that patience today. But this morning reminded me - God will give me what I need in the next 14 days and all the days that come afterward. His will is that we follow Him and do His work. And there is nothing we can do but say, "Here I am, Lord! Send me!"
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If you are so inclined, please keep our family and our friends in your prayers, especially this summer. And until next time, God Bless you!
April 12, 2009
Happy Easter!
Jesus Christ is Risen today..... A~a~a~lle~ay~lu~oo~jah!
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May you be blessed by His immense love and mercy and the miracle of His Resurrection today and through the season of Easter.
Name: Holly
Location: Free State, USA
"Celebrate we will/'cause life is short but sweet for certain..."
Location: Free State, USA
"Celebrate we will/'cause life is short but sweet for certain..."
Amy - Against the Grain
Arwen Elizabeth
Imperio
Jen - Searching for Me
Julia - Here be Hippogriffs
Kelly - The Woman Wonders
Linda - Indigo Girl
MP - Chick Chat
Megan - Charm Bracelet
Mercy Me
Nino - Cease, cows, life is short!
Rebekah - Boundary Lines
Sandi - Mom of 2 Boys
Shannon - Rocks in My Dryer
Sue - Living Upside Down, Down Under
Other blogs I read:
Laid-Off Dad
PostSecret
The Shape of a Mother
Sweet Juniper
My Homeschool Experiences
There's Grace in the Little Way
If you'd like your link included on my blog,
please let me know!
Take my button & link to me!Arwen Elizabeth
Imperio
Jen - Searching for Me
Julia - Here be Hippogriffs
Kelly - The Woman Wonders
Linda - Indigo Girl
MP - Chick Chat
Megan - Charm Bracelet
Mercy Me
Nino - Cease, cows, life is short!
Rebekah - Boundary Lines
Sandi - Mom of 2 Boys
Shannon - Rocks in My Dryer
Sue - Living Upside Down, Down Under
Other blogs I read:
Laid-Off Dad
PostSecret
The Shape of a Mother
Sweet Juniper
My Homeschool Experiences
There's Grace in the Little Way
If you'd like your link included on my blog,
please let me know!
COMING SOON!
