Have you ever looked forward to doing something so much that your heart nearly burst in anticipation? Something you felt was absolutely the right thing to do, something that ultimately is pretty unselfish - yet you just know that your own life will benefit greatly from giving of yourself? Have you ever thought of that thing for years before finally giving in to the call? Letting the anticipation build and the desire grow until you just had to act?
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That's how it's felt whenever I prayed about foster care. I've been anxious the last couple weeks because I expected to hear from the agency right away after our meeting. But something was nagging at me - that I was not hearing right away (when they'd been clear in stating they wanted to move fast due to their need).
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And today, I got a phone call from the coordinator of the program. And she said nothing but glowing things about me - how I'd be perfect... BUT...
due to a misunderstanding (and some ill-timed jokes), she doesn't feel my family is a good fit for their program. She's wrong. I know she has to act based on what she sees, but she doesn't see accurately. And anyone who knows us, knows my husband has a sense of humor and potentially crosses the line without any ill-will. She doesn't feel she can work with him - "this is no laughing matter, what these babies go through..."
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She just hasn't had the opportunity to see his heart, how good he is, how loving and supportive.... And she doesn't have the time to give him the chance to show her.
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I know that God is going to use this rejection for an ultimate good. I just can't see it today through my tear-blurred vision.
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My heart hurts.
