A Woman Seeking Grace

Still Seeking

2010-02-17T08:13:00.003-05:00

I don't know if or when I will post here regularly again, but for now, I am beginning to flex my writing muscles through my heart over here.
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May you find yourself drawing closer to the Truth during the next 40 days.
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Until next time, God bless you!

Patience

2009-07-15T09:37:00.003-04:00

Before the other kids came for the summer, I struggled with how much patience I would have with five children. Granted, I was struggling at the time with an idea rather than fact because I still only had my two girls here with me.

I warned my own children that my patience would be divided further once there were three additional kids in our family (albeit temporarily). My thoughts were this: if I have, say, ten units of patience and they are currently being divided among two children (sort of an 80-20 split, if you know what I mean), then those same ten units of patience were not going to go nearly as far with 5 total children.

My husband pointed out that though I'd been praying for more patience, God would not necessarily give it to me before the moment it was absolutely needed. And that has turned out to be true. I am amazed at how I've been able to keep my cool, when previously I'd lose it a bit more frequently than I'm comfortable with or even comfortable admitting.

The visiting children have come from an environment where respect is not modeled well (read: at all) and their behavior reflects that accurately. These children treat each other and the people around them with such disregard and unkindness that it has really impacted my daughters negatively. My girls are stressed and unhappy that there is so much fighting going on around them, and my younger one has been the target of teasing and taunting all summer, merely because she is the youngest (and the "gifted" ones view her as stupid).

The oldest (girl) and youngest (boy) are labeled by the school as outstanding students, both "gifted". The parents and grandparents have rewarded them for this. You can imagine that the middle child is marginalized even further in this situation. He is viewed as the instigator of squabbles and the one who has the hardest time reigning in his anger. Surprisingly, we have seen this summer that not only is the middle child more respectful of the adults, but he is the first to volunteer to be a helper when one is requested. He is the first to thank me when we go out to do something fun. While he does have a hard time reigning in his temper at times, he's just not being taught regularly how to cope with his anger in a less destructive way. As a matter of fact, none of them are being taught this.

The two "gifted" children have been further damaged by this idea that they are somehow more special - not accountable for their actions because of their superior intelligence. They have nasty attitudes (likely an outward sign of their own anger at their life situation) and speak down to everyone, including us. They talk back and frequently act mean.

Please note that I am not in any way complaining about these children. They are definitely products of a particular environment. But I am writing these things, not just to be honest, but to point out the effect putting three emotionally stunted and ill-adjusted children into a stable and healthy family. The effect has been immense. I am exhausted every day from the constant behavior monitoring and intervention, not to mention the emotional exhaustion from being completely disrespected by 11- and 7 year-old children.

I can only assume that these children have never been expected to clean up after themselves (or it's never been enforced) as my house is in constant disarray. They have to be reminded multiple times at each meal to put their dishes in the sink or dishwasher and clean their place at the table, in addition to about 50 other instances where they just leave a disaster in their wake.

My children are not spotless and sometimes have to be reminded to pick up after themselves, but I have more than quintupled the time I am spending asking for children to clean up after themselves, in spite of only doubling the number of kids.

Each day, I have carefully reminded the girl of our expectations about behavior and the appropriate way to interact with others, only to have to send her to her room for being mean to others and shouting/screaming/shrieking at me. (As I type, she is in her room, having lost her priveleges and not permitted to help at VBS as she has been this week.) If there were a day I wished I could put her on a plane back to her home state, that day would be yesterday. And today. Hopefully not tomorrow.

It's been challenging, to say the least, but I have to continue to HOPE that the Lord is using this time in ways I cannot see. Because the behavior? it has not changed much. My greatest struggle has been to see my own children hurting and stressed. We've worked to send them off with friends for some time away from the madness and that has helped. And I've spent extra time cuddling with them or just whispering sweet things to them and thanking them for being as kind as they have been through all of this. They have not handled it perfectly (they're kids!), but considering how much our world has been turned upside down, I think we're all doing pretty well.

But I do have to admit that I am now at the point where I am counting down the days until our family reverts to 4. I plan to spend next Wednesday afternoon curled on the couch with my girls tucked in next to me and a couple movies. Or a trip to the park and then a movie. ANYTHING, just alone with my girls.

SO much good has come out of this summer for our family. I hope good has also come out of it for our friends' family, but right now, I just can't see it.

Until next time, keep plugging along and God bless you.

Summertime

2009-07-12T09:49:00.002-04:00

I realize it's been more than two months since I last posted. It's been enough for me to get through the days, really. Right after last time, the girls and I were away for almost two weeks. We went to Savannah for a day with friends on our way to Florida. We did not spend as much time with our family as we might have liked (noone seemed able to join us in Orlando during our week's vacation), but we had a relaxing family vacation camped by the pool.

Upon our return, it was full speed ahead to finish schoolwork for the year and prepare for three summer visitors. Some friends have had a rough go of it the past few years and their children have suffered greatly as a result. The kids have been living with their 70-ish year-old grandparents for the past school year and needed to have some fun for the summer. So, we invited them to come up.

I won't go into too many details, but when you are a kid who comes from a chaotic family life, you don't necessarily behave in an appropriate way. It makes me very sad that these kids I've known and loved since their births would be in this situation and so ill-adjusted. It's been a challenging summer for all of us. I think I will be writing about it some in the coming weeks, particularly after they go home in 9 days. This experience has turned my world upside down in so many ways.

We have tried to do many fun things with all these kids (5!!! All the same ages!!!), but their behavior and attitudes prevents us from doing all that we've wanted. All the same, we have managed a number of fun things this summer and no matter how challenging it's been, it has been pretty awesome so far compared to last summer (when I couldn't move much, due to my knee injury and subsequent surgery).

This coming week will be filled to the brim with incredible things, starting each day with Vacation Bible School. I think we'll start earlier with mass most mornings. In the afternoons, I have a few things up my sleeves and if we can figure out a hotel, we'll be heading to DC for the entire weekend.

All this to say.... I don't know what. I suppose one day, when I close all this down, I'll archive it first and be able to look back and see what I was doing with my family in the summer of Aught Nine.

Until next time, God bless you!

God's Abundant Mercy

2009-04-24T14:02:00.002-04:00

Our homeschool group participates in a monthly Children's Adoration and Holy Half Hour. It was this morning - and it happens to be my single favorite half hour block of time in the entire month. Usually, a class from the parish school joins us for this special time before the Lord. Today, it was a tiny group, but no less powerful.

Our pastor (or associate pastor) gives a short teaching on Jesus to the kids (and adults), a musician leads us in a few songs and we have quiet prayer time in front of Jesus on the altar.

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Yesterday, I felt overwhelmed at the prospect of this really happening - that we are going to have three more children, not in 6 weeks as we'd planned. In two weeks, we will drive about a thousand miles home with 5 children in the back of our van. And I was starting to freak out at this reality. It isn't that I don't love these children (they're practically family), but that they have been through so much and I want to do the best thing for them. On the one hand, the steadiness and security and outpouring of love in our family is clear and far more than they've experienced in recent months/years. On the other hand, where they are now, they at least get to see their parents on weekends. Obviously, the trade-off is immense.

Will two months with our family help to ease their suffering in any way? Will this time help them to see God's mercy and love for them? Can we make much of a difference in such a short time? And if not us, than can God use our time with them for their good and growth in Him? Are our own children going to be okay through all of this? Will they thrive in spite of less attention from their parents? Will our marriage withstand well the stress of suddenly taking on three additional children, even for a few months? Of course, I don't know the answers to those questions, but I have to believe that His answer is "Yes!"

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This morning, I was overwhelmed by the love and mercy that poured over me during this time of praise and thanksgiving. I prayed yesterday that God would give us everything we need this summer as we temporarily grow our family by 3 more children. That He would provide all the patience and grace I need to care for them, that He would give Husband all he needs to support a family of seven in material and spiritual ways.

I might not have the patience now for 5 children 24/7, but I don't need that patience today. But this morning reminded me - God will give me what I need in the next 14 days and all the days that come afterward. His will is that we follow Him and do His work. And there is nothing we can do but say, "Here I am, Lord! Send me!"

If you are so inclined, please keep our family and our friends in your prayers, especially this summer. And until next time, God Bless you!

Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T08:30:00.002-04:00

Jesus Christ is Risen today..... A~a~a~lle~ay~lu~oo~jah!

May you be blessed by His immense love and mercy and the miracle of His Resurrection today and through the season of Easter.

Springtime

2009-04-01T15:24:00.004-04:00

While it looks like spring outside, it feels like late winter. Last week, we had beautiful days with sunshine and at the end of the week, the temperatures led to time at the park and lots of time outdoors at home. This week began with the temperatures plummeting and upsetting the level of excitement that had been building for over a week. It is supposed to be warm tomorrow, so we'll want to get packed for our weekend away this evening so we can enjoy the warm weather outside. Of course, it will rain for our entire drive to Ohio on Friday and then it will be typical chilly dreary early April northeast Ohio days for the weekend.

I've been thinking how the weather affects my mood. And how it also mimics my spiritual life. I want to feel sunshiny and warm and filled with the delights of spring and its hopeful radiance. Yet always, something comes along to bring the overcast sky down upon your head. This dreariness can sometimes be reflected in the dryness of my prayer life, or the occasional feel of disconnect from the usual joy of my life.

These dreary days cause me to seek a soft blanket and the coziness of the corner of the sofa, wrapped around a book - or the laptop. It is in this corner that I hide from the world... But if I take the time to notice, I appreciate that a blessing or two is tucked in next to me with her own book absorbing her attention.

God is always there - a bright love and hope right there beside you, a warmth enveloping you if you just take the time to notice.

Parenthood

2009-03-30T09:28:00.002-04:00

Sometimes, no matter how hard I try, I feel like a failure as a parent. Sure, there are obvious things, like losing my cool when they are repeatedly disobedient, but the times that make me feel most like I have no idea what I'm doing or how to correct it are when a child is just plain inconsiderate and selfish.
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Sadly, my failure has been compounded repeatedly lately. Anyone know how to instill compassion and graciousness in children? Is this something that only comes naturally and cannot be taught? Is this an exercise in futility with some kids? When does NOT having these qualities become a cause for real concern?

Praying

2009-02-20T23:00:00.002-05:00

I don't know exactly what's going on, since my mother isn't talking to me still....
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But I do know that I am concerned for her and particularly for her regarding some health issues that I have very little information about.
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Would you please join me in praying for her? That her test results come back okay and there isn't something awful going on?
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When/if I know anything I will give an update with more specific prayer requests.

36th Anniversary of a Decision that Changed Many Lives

2009-01-22T05:03:00.002-05:00

This morning, I am on my way to Washington, D.C. in order to add my voice to hundreds of thousands of others, praying for the end of abortion.

Did you know that less than one tenth of one percent of abortions are performed in order to save the mother's life or as a result of rape/incest? We have an obligation to prevent the wrongful death of millions of innocent human lives. I realize that there are a handful of those who choose to end their children's lives in order to "prevent future suffering" through birth defects and conditions that may limit their lives to a few moments or hours or even weeks beyond birth. But who are we to say that those lives don't deserve the chance to live to their natural death? Isn't it possible that we could gain abundant graces through those experiences? I suppose if you don't believe in God, maybe you believe that NO, nothing good can come from an experience like that. But I disagree.

Should I not even try to get pregnant because I have had 7 miscarriages (one of them at nearly 20 weeks)? Should I just give up completely my hopes of having a larger family because it is obvious that we continue to conceive life that is doomed to be short? Or can we hope that God is using all these for a greater good? That He is forming us, even as our hearts long for more children? Why is it that people feel sorry for us that we have suffered so many early losses, yet they think it is a woman's right to end a human's life rather than inconvenience herself or her plans for the future?

Thanks to the decision in the case of Roe v. Wade, I am the oldest of 3, instead of the 3rd of 7. And I feel a responsibility to my deceased siblings to stand up and say that a "woman's right to choose" the death of her children is not only horrifying, but should not be a protected right.

Our culture has been so sidelined by the decision that was made 36 years ago that it makes me afraid for my children's future. Will they be able to worship God freely as adults? Will they be persecuted for their christian faith? It certainly seems like we are heading down that road. And I can't help but think that the moment we crossed that line to think that we should protect a woman's right to "choose" death for her children is the moment our society began its descent into a place of absolute disrespect for human lives. Lives have been marginalized because of this, and many many women have spent years suffering from this legal decision and its lasting effects on their lives.

Human life cannot exist without its start in the womb. Even people who were conceived in a lab, still had to grow in the womb. A woman's choice is when she makes the decision to have sex. Period. Any other choice ends the potential greatness that is inherent in every human life.

God Bless you.

(This is my blog and I reserve the right to delete any offensive comments, though I will try to exercise restraint if you are respectful in your dissent.)

Abandoned

2009-01-19T09:46:00.003-05:00

Yep, I did NaNoBloPoMo and then abruptly stopped posting altogether. There is not a lot I can say to explain myself. I had a lot going on through December with the holidays and some personal things that I cannot talk about here that prevented me from taking the time to post something.

This morning, as I lie in bed cozied up with my 8 1/2 year old daughter, snow falling outside the window, I thought I'd try typing something up here on seeking grace. I still don't quite know what to say, but I will say this:

God has been using these past couple months to work on my heart and work on my soul in ways I didn't think needed working on. A relationship severed (not by my own hand) and it broke my heart in a familiar, but unexpected way. This has forced me to spend a great deal of time of introspection. Also, I've had to admit that I don't know how to cope with the mechanics of this particular relationship. I've sought guidance and prayer from our pastor, a good friend of ours; I've spent a lot of time praying for an answer and discernment for God's will; and I've just plain thrown myself and my energies into building what is in front of me.

God has been abundantly gracious. I have never lived in a place where I felt constantly ministered to by each of our friends. Sure, I have some excellent friends in the various places we've lived, and I think if we'd stayed in middle Georgia longer, we may have had this all the time (hi, Cara! Your family was the one that we felt completely comfortable around and we could just relax and have a good time every single time we were together - not to even mention how cared for we felt with your family.), but this past weekend is an example of how awesome it is here.

Friday morning, we went to church for Children's Adoration, a time of prayer and praise in front of the Blessed Sacrament. Husband led the music (his public guitar debut!) and this is typically my favorite half hour of the entire month. I was not disappointed. The second-graders from our parish school joined in with the homeschooled students and our pastor did another excellent job in leading us through a time of worship. Lunch with another mom and her kids at their house (and we had beer! so unlike us to drink at lunch, but it was one beer each and it just had the effect of making it seem like the weekend earlier.) That evening found the girls and me back at church for our weekly hour of adoration.

Saturday evening, we dropped off cakes for the next day's meal for the homeless before heading to a friend's for a dinner/information meeting. The evening was with two couples who happen to be good friends of ours. We talked some about "business", but mostly had a nice time with friends. Sunday found us at church in the morning for prayer group, then mass and afterward we went out to brunch with a group of 21 (4 families) to hear the musical stylings of a young man who we know (and he teaches piano to the boys in two of the families), and to celebrate one friend's birthday. Last night found us at another friend's house for dinner with them, another family and our pastor (and to watch football). We left at nearly midnight and on the 2 minute drive home, my husband and I exclaimed that we have never had such an abundance of friends who feed our soul every time we are with them.

And it's true. Even though we miss our friends and family in other states, we have never been ministered to the way we have been here by such a large community. And I know when I think of the relationship that still needs some resolution, that God placed us here at this particular time in order to lift me up in the way I need in order to successfully sort through it all. And for that I'm grateful.

Until next time (hopefully sooner than later), God Bless you.

30 Days and 17 Days

2008-11-30T15:18:00.002-05:00

This post marks my completion of the National Blog Posting Month project. It also marks our last day in the "Sunshine State". It's raining and gloomy here today, perhaps it will help our transition to winter tomorrow when we return home to Maryland.

I'm listening to my father-in-law in one room talking on the phone to his brother, who spent last week in the hospital - almost dying. (Thank God, he's okay now and is home with his family. This guy seriously has at least 9 lives.) In another room, my girls are talking to their Nanny. We stuffed ourselves silly with leftovers and a wonderful family meal with my husband's parents and grandparents. This evening, we'll head to church before coming home to pack.

It's been a nice trip, mostly. While we are ready to go home, we still feel we didn't get enough time with everyone. I'll try to post some pictures when we get home.

In the meantime, does anyone have any idea how to move an iTunes library from one computer to another?

Day 29: Thankfulness

2008-11-29T20:50:00.003-05:00

Today, we forced ourselves into some grace. We really wanted to see some friends, but they live over an hour away. I'd tried earlier in the week to convince them to come this way and we'd go to the beach or something, to no avail. They insisted we come to them. I understand it was probably the best idea, under all circumstances, but I was feeling a bit selfish with our time and didn't want to spend two and half hours of our busy weekend sitting in a car.

But we went. We definitely didn't want to make the same mistake we made last year in being "too busy" to see one another. The girls were thrilled to see their friends and we were very content to sit with our friends on their beautiful lanai, relaxing and just enjoying each other's company and the laughter that is so easy when we're together.

My favorite part was the hugs, quite honestly. I have spent nearly a year feeling guilty we didn't hug each other or spend time when we last had the opportunity - and that our friendship with one of them was nearly cut too short. It was good to be together and good to see our friend in one piece and more healthy than we could have hoped last January. For a guy who had his neck and back broken at the beginning of the year, he looked darn good.

We hope they'll get in touch with us and we'll be able to see them sooner than later when they visit their family in the northeast, but the great thing is they know we love them. And we shared a lot of laughs this afternoon, for which I am very grateful.

Good night and God bless you.

Day 28: More isn't always more

2008-11-28T23:12:00.002-05:00

So, this morning, I did NOT get up early and head out to the stores in the mad dash for Christmas gifts. Though I find the whole experience to be fun, if crazy, there just wasn't anything that we wanted/needed that warranted heading into any crowds. This year, there really isn't much on our Christmas list, and we have no idea what the girls want (they don't really give us any idea what they'd like or what they want more of - they both may end up with books and one new toy). We have no interest in adding more things into our home.

Really, I think I'd like some free time to organize and use my craft room, which still is a disaster and boxes. I'd like to find an upholstered bench (even if it's something old that I can paint and recover) to occupy an empty wall in our living room. We need some more seating occasionally and a long-ish bench would be perfect. Husband needs some new shoes for work and maybe a suit or two. We are nothing if not absolutely practical.

27 posts so far for the month. hmmmm..... I certainly haven't accomplished what I wanted (increasing my creativity or improving my actual writing), but I suppose I gleaned something from this project. I have two more days and this year will be the first time I really feel like I completed the project to the best of my ability. I know. It's totally lame, since I haven't posted great things this month. But considering how I'm feeling and there have been days when I haven't had internet access, yet posted via my cellphone anyway.... I really feel like I at least made effort each day. Maybe I'll just commit in the future to 3-5 posts weekly and start to share more pictures. I'd still like to share some pictures of our lovely 90-year-old home, so maybe you'll get that in the next couple weeks. Then again, maybe not.

I've had a lovely Thanksgiving. We have spent time with many friends and while I've been dealt a great personal disappointment, our time with our family has been mostly wonderful. I thank God for my husband, our children and especially for my parents-in-law. I have a family that I never expected and certainly never believed I deserved. God has been exceptionally good to me.

Two more days. Do you think it's possible anyone enjoyed my third attempt at this project? Because really? More posts hasn't necessarily equalled more content on this blog. Yep, more definitely isn't always more in a good way.

Thanksgiving Night

2008-11-27T23:32:00.001-05:00

He's here! Happy Thanksgiving.

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Day 26

2008-11-26T22:29:00.002-05:00

No internet today.
Pie made,
rubbed pork roast,
beef stew for tonight's dinner...
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Thanksgiving tomorrow.
Thankful today.

45 more hours

2008-11-25T23:23:00.004-05:00

I miss my husband. I know I keep mentioning this, but seriously? I'm not sure I've so acutely missed his presence each day as I have this past week and half. We're not really very schmoopy and yet, somehow, I've been a mooning fool this past week.

I certainly enjoy our time with our family in Florida, but I'm ready to go home and get back to our normal lives with our routines and our friends and our church. Also, I sleep best in my own bed.

Especially when my husband is lying next to me.

Day 24: Homeschooling: a lesson on the adrenal gland

2008-11-24T22:23:00.002-05:00

This afternoon, as I began backing out of my parking spot in the warehouse store parking lot, I saw something that made me stop. Lightning fast, I pulled back into the spot, grabbed my cell phone and jumped from the car - shouting at the kids to stay in the car.

As they unbuckled themselves and looked behind us, they wondered how I'd hit that grocery cart and then saw the man lying on the ground and were quite distressed that their mother had obviously run over an older gentleman in a parking lot.

Nevermind there wasn't a collision or that our car wasn't even near the man nor the cart. As I ran across the lane, I was shaking and wondering how I might help this man, lying on the pavement next to his car. I wondered if I should assess his condition before dialing 9-1-1.

In a matter of less than 5 seconds, I had put the car in reverse, back into drive, into park, dug through my purse and jumped from the car, yelling at my kids, across the lane to the other vehicle. During seconds 6-8, I shouted shrilly, "Sir! Sir! Sir! Are you awake?! OHMYGOSH-WHAT-HAPPENED?!?! ARE-YOU-OKAY!!?!?!?!", was relieved when he turned his head and looked at me. And then I felt like a total ass when he looked up at me and said, "Yeah, I'm fine - just looking for my spare hide-a-key. I think it's fallen off and lost."

I asked him if he needed help getting up from the pavement and after he declined, I walked back to my car, my heart still racing. The girls wanted to know what that was all about and I told them what I'd seen and what I'd assumed and they relayed their own stories. We chuckled nervously and then they asked why I was still shaking.

And being a homeschooler, I explained the process of adrenaline. It was notsomuch awesome. Though, we did thank God it was a false emergency and regretted the unuse of super-human powers.

Sunday

2008-11-23T23:58:00.002-05:00

Friends-rum-football-sunday of fun.
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Still miss my husband.

Day 22: I'm pretty sure the last week I FLOPPED more than BLOPPED

2008-11-22T10:17:00.002-05:00

So, I'm here, and you've seen a bit more than you bargained for of my mug this week. It seems sort of like a cop-out to post a little video (where's the sound? You're missing my late-night witticisms!) and a photo of myself, each with a solitary sentence.

As you figured out by one of the posts this week, I went to the doctor. I've been having some ahem issues and it happened to be good timing that I was able to go to the practice that has managed my care for the past 10+ years. I am disappointed this morning after a call from the doctor last night - her initial diagnosis was not correct as she received my lab results. So, really? We're no closer to an answer than a week ago. And that is really disappointing. I do go back on Wednesday and she'll approach my health from a different angle. So, we'll see. It's nothing terribly serious, so it's just a matter of figuring it out, which could take a while.

We're enjoying the time with our family here in the Sunshine State. Though, it'd be so much better if Husband were here with us. Also, it's slightly depressing to be with the 90 year old grandparents, I love them so, but it is so sad to see their decline.

I think I'll be going to a college football game tomorrow evening with some friends (he was my first friend when I moved to FL 13 years ago and his wife is fantastic as well). Another time I'll be missing Husband especially. Thursday evening can't come soon enough for me.

Eh, another boring post - I've actually typed out words and it is not much better than lame-o pictures of myself. Silly Sally says hi, blogworld!

Dork

2008-11-21T23:25:00.001-05:00

I totally forgot to post something today. Do you like my hair straight?

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Does this even count?

2008-11-20T23:37:00.001-05:00

Another lame video message. Note the crooked glasses. Good night.

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Day 19: Doctors and Rejection

2008-11-19T22:23:00.003-05:00

I'm so relieved to have my doctor here in Florida. She's a wonder and even though she can't treat whatever's going on long-term, she's going to help me get it under control now. Thank God. Also, if you don't have a doctor who listens to you and tries to help, find a new doctor - now.

And I just want to comment that no amount of wine erases the rejection of a parent. Not that I use wine as an eraser or anything at all like that. Nope, not me. Actually, I wasn't using it as an eraser, it just happened into my mind that no matter how much I had this evening, it really didn't stop the feelings of inadequacy - even though I know those feelings are unfounded, no matter what my parents have tried to convince me.

Also, cousins totally rock. Especially ones who've been your best friend your whole lives. And drinking wine with them makes for fantastically fun evenings, no matter who else is around. Plus, I need to go shower to rid myself of the campfire smell in my hair.

Good night.

2008-11-18T18:17:00.002-05:00

I miss this guy.

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Nothing

2008-11-17T22:09:00.002-05:00

This morning, I fell on the stairs and have hurt my still recovering left knee and my neck. I've tried all day to think of something else to post about for Day 17, but I'm failing.

I already miss my husband, even though he left about 10 hours ago. It will definitely be a long 10 days until I see him again.

Waahhh. I know, poor me. I'm off to bed.

Day 16: Forgiveness

2008-11-16T21:29:00.002-05:00

Why is it that just when you've made a decision about something.... You go to church and are reminded why making decisions in the heat of a moment is a bad idea?

Although I want to be DONE with a particular relationship/situation, I go to church and am reminded that we are to forgive 70 x 7 times.

I could use some prayer. Also, please pray for my friend Jen's mom.

Day 15: Go Gators

2008-11-15T11:03:00.002-05:00

My husband is a Gator. He has turned our children into baby gators (fans, not reptiles). They point out every sign, sticker and flag that has UF Gators on it. The note frequently that "it's a Gator Nation, baby!"

He is blessed to have a friend who treats him to a game at UF once each season - for the past 9 years. Since we're home for a wedding (which was last night and we are beyond thrilled for Silly Sally's godmother - the best part of the night was seeing her so HAPPY), Husband requested this weekend's game. So, he's on his way now to Gainesville to partake in an afternoon of cheering and hanging out with his buddy.

***

Last night at the reception, Bookworm told us that her sister "passed out" flat on her back on the floor after seeing the groom's cake. "Must be some cake." we thought - maybe something like from Ace of Cakes? So we went to see what her commotion was all about.

Husand's favorite part of the wedding reception last night? Not the food or drink or dancing: it was seeing the groom's cake - with a a Gator on it.

Day 14: Undoing nearly 2 hours of work

2008-11-14T23:55:00.001-05:00

After the wedding... Taking 426 pins out of my hair.

I love this guy.

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Day 13: A video message

2008-11-13T20:57:00.002-05:00

Does hearing me say 20 words count as a blog post?

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Day 12: Traveling

2008-11-12T10:31:00.002-05:00

Today, I have a ton of stuff to do - packing for a nearly 3 week trip. We have a family wedding in two days (!!!Ack! I suppose I'm not going to drop a couple pounds so my pretty new dress drapes more nicely....). Since the wedding is at our hometown church, we're just staying through Thanksgiving to spend some time with our parents and husband's grandparents.

Actually, Husband is only staying the weekend before flying to southern California for work stuff. Then, he comes home for 5 days before flying back to FL for most of the Thanksgiving weekend.

And tonight, I'm hosting a Moms' Night Out, so I better get off the computer and get our suitcases packed and get the house ready, plus get to the store so I can make chocolate fondue for tonight!

If I post a cute picture of the girls in their All Hallows Eve costumes, will you forgive me for two rotten posts in a row?

Day 11: FLOP

2008-11-11T23:21:00.002-05:00

I have nothing to write about at this late hour. We watched Elizabeth tonight and I'm reminded that people of all faiths are corruptible. It makes me wonder how man is able to get to Heaven.

I'm not making sense, so perhaps I'll explore this subject at a time when I'm a bit more coherent and my thoughts aren't quite so jumbled.

Day 10: Gypsy

2008-11-10T20:50:00.002-05:00

Last Friday evening, Husband and I had balcony seats at St. James Theatre to see Patti Lupone in Gypsy.

Although the storyline is rather depressing what with the whole wacko stage mom and poverty and the eventual demoralization of her daughter, this show was absolutely fantastic. The entire cast was wonderful and it was clear why Patti Lupone has the reputation as a star.

She owned the stage, the entire show. Her presence transformed the theatre. I'm not a big celebrity-phile, but we stayed after the show outside the door of the theatre with a smallish group, waiting to greet the star herself. I was so stunned that I got a photo of her sweatshirt. Yes, her sweatshirt. Her beautiful smile is at the top edge of the frame, but really? Her sweatshirt? I'm such a dork.

She did sign my playbill, though, and I was happy to tell her personally that I think she's a rock star.

If you have the opportunity to go to Broadway and see a show, I highly recommend this one. The smallish theatre meant there really were no bad seats, the cast was awesome, and Patti Lupone really shone as brightly as the lights in Times Square. Very obviously, she deserves every accolade and award she's received.

Day 9: I heart NY, Thursday evening

2008-11-09T22:07:00.008-05:00

We arrived Thursday evening to crazier-than-bustling traffic (does that city ever get a break in traffic?). Because we were stuck in the Lincoln Tunnel for quite some time, I called and cancelled our dinner reservations at Balthazar. (this was the view from our hotel room)
.
After a taxi ride that cost us $4 more because we didn't know to walk to the other side of Madison Square Garden to avoid paying to drive around the block in bumper-to-bumper traffic, we arrived near our hotel (due to the proximity to the Holland Tunnel and the ridiculous traffic in that direction, our cabby thought we'd get there quicker if we walked from the corner - he was right. As a matter of fact, we should have gotten out a few blocks sooner and gotten there even more quickly, even dragging our suitcase behind us). We dumped our stuff and headed in search of dinner.
.
The front desk agent suggested The Cupping Room. We walked in that direction, but decided to pass - I just wasn't feelin' it. We kept walking.

We walked past Felix, which was recommended by Rebekah, but I didn't realize it was on her list of good places, so we didn't even cross the street to check it out. A couple more blocks and we stopped to check out Pepolino's. It was wonderful. (Saturday morning, we walked past Balthazar and realized that it really worked out well that our anniversary dinner was not at a loud, crowded restaurant, but an intimate and cozy one in a less popular area.) The food was amazing - really fresh and I'm sure it was the most delicious Italian food I've had anywhere.

Some kind locals gave us walking directions to Max Brenner's on Broadway, which was on Rebekah's list. It was quite a long walk for my knee, but much needed to work off some of dinner before loading up on chocolate. On the way, we stopped to buy a lovely blue pashmina scarf for me from a street vendor and comic books from another vendor for Husband. When we arrived for "Chocolate by the Bald Guy", we shared the chocolate fondue trio and it was absolutely sinful. Roasting marshmallows over a little grill seemed to be Husband's favorite part of the evening. Well, roasting them then dipping them in pure chocolate and stuffing them in his mouth..... If I can figure out how to post a video, I have a slightly amusing one of him doing that, though the lighting isn't good. (We also thought it was a good place to get a little Thank You gift for my friend who kept the girls. Turns out I was right - even though she told me I shouldn't have given her anything, I could tell she couldn't wait to get home and make some hot cocoa for herself last night. Thanks, Jo!)

By the time we were finished, we were stuffed and incredibly tired. It'd been a long day and more walking than I've done in at least 6 months. We took the Q train back down into SoHo and wandered around trying to find our hotel, since I seem to have lost my perfect sense of direction.

At the hotel, I realized that instead of packing my own underpants, I'd packed those belonging to my 6 year-old (yeah, not really easy to confuse the two, I have NO idea how I did that). Also, I'd failed to pack my pjs. And so, being over-tired, I cried like a baby. It was really romantic. Yeah. Notsomuch.

In spite of that, it was a lovely anniversary and I'm hopeful that my husband will stick with me at least another ten years.

Day 8: What a weekend!

2008-11-08T22:34:00.003-05:00

I can't wait to write up a post with more pictures from our trip.

For now I will tell you it was incredible. We saw a lot (not nearly enough), we laughed, we held hands, we walked along Central Park huddled together under an umbrella in the rain.

We're tired. I'll write more tomorrow.

2008-11-07T21:35:00.001-05:00

NYC...top of the rock

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Day 6: 10 Years Ago

2008-11-06T08:03:00.001-05:00

I wish I could tell you I knew what I was doing 10 years ago today, but I really didn't.

I got married at 11-ish am. On a Friday. At a courthouse. It was a beautiful fall day in Clearwater. We'd only decided that Tuesday to push up our wedding date, oh, one year and 4 months. We'd been officially engaged only about 5 weeks. We'd known each other less than 365 days. We were 23 years old. And yet.....

God has blessed us these ten years - so abundantly, it's hard to put into words. We have grown up (we still are growing up) together, we've spent our adulthood growing with each other, encouraging each other. We have expended an immense amount of energy on ridiculous arguments. We have expended even more energy making up. And more than that, we have put the most energy into learning to communicate effectively, compromising, learning the nuances required to read the other. We have built an incredible partnership, an empire of love, if you will.

Our lives haven't been sugar-coated, we've had plenty of downs. But our commitment to each other and our family and our faith has been enough to get us through the times when we were near the breaking point. Our quest for children has been liberally peppered by loss and heartache, but rewarded with two incredible daughters, true blessings. We have dealt with familial disappointment, interstate moves, job changes, financial hell, medical issues, deaths of loved ones... All things that can strain a marriage on their own. Many years, these cards have been dealt to us one after another. And yet? We are happy.

We have had untold joy. He still makes me weak in the knees, just with a look or a gentle kiss. His devotion to me and our children are enough to make me swoon. He works hard, not only to be successful in his career, but to provide for us in every way - as the head of our family, as an example in the community, as a model of good faith. When we have the rare occasion to spend time without the girls, we have the best time (I'm so looking forward to NYC for two days!!!) - reminded what drew us to each other in the beginning. The sweet give and take - the gentle way we loved one another even from the start. Thoughtful gestures, caring words. Sometimes we've let those things go unsaid in our day-to-day, the sweetness fading from time to time. But when we realize it, it is so wonderful to get back to our roots.

I wouldn't want to be traveling this road with anyone else. I wouldn't want to have a family with anyone else, or move all over the east coast with anyone else. I didn't know what I was doing 10 years ago, but I am glad our impulsivity threw us in this direction.

I love you, Husband. I pray we are blessed with as many years together as Nanny and Poppop (65 so far!!!). I hope you can put up with me for that long.

Happy Anniversary.

History is Made

2008-11-05T09:06:00.002-05:00

Through this election cycle (and the previous ones, for that matter), I have had the unfortunate privelege of receiving offensive emails from family and friends regarding our differing political views. I tend to keep my mouth shut, since I love and respect these people. I will also point you in the direction of a post from 4 years ago that sums up how I feel (apart from the part where I support W - wow, how things can change in 4 years).

But I just want to share an email I sent this morning to a friend in response to a gloating message. I refrain from talking politics because I know my opinion and you know yours and I don't know that it's possible for us to ever see completely eye-to-eye without a major conversion experience for one of us. Perhaps my words will help explain where I'm coming from better. And perhaps you could keep this in mind when you deal with your friends who are politically on the other side of the aisle.

I love you, friend. That being said, I have to defend myself a bit from your email. You say that conservative Christians have held the white house for the last 8 years and have done a bang up job. But the reality is that Bush's approval rating among conservative Christians is just as bad as his approval rating among the rest of the country. He has not made his decisions based on our ideals. His government has not kept their part of the bargain.

Do I agree that we need major change in this country? Absolutely. But I don't believe that one man without respect for ALL human life can be the savior that so many on the left have touted him to be. I don't believe a man who thinks of babies as "punishments for mistakes" really has a grasp of the greatness of the gift of life. While I may not have led a chaste life prior to marriage, I also knew there may be consequences for my choices (and at that time, I wasn't even a christian). But I took measures then to be "responsible" in order to prevent unplanned or unwanted pregnancy. Do I think that makes me better than anyone else? No, just smarter in my decisions - I didn't want a baby, I didn't put myself in a position where that may happen (or at least in a position where that was likely).

Do I think that Obama may be a great leader? I think he may be. But he needs to protect ALL human life, not just those lives which are convenient to protect. I pray for a unified America. I pray for our leaders to stand firm for the truth and for the values this country was built upon.

We need not be a nation of selfishness and greed - I agree with his statement last night that we need to be ready to sacrifice. But I believe he needs to see the reality of truth - that there really is a right and wrong and it isn't just about what's good for me (or you, or anyone) as an individual.

I am a bit offended by liberals suggesting that I am out of touch with the reality of today simply because I am a conservative christian. My husband works hard in order that I can stay home with our children. We freely give our time, our love and our money to others in an effort to ease the suffering of our world. We try to be good neighbors, good stewards of the land, courteous examples to our children that if we want love in the world, we must be willing to do anything in order to give it.

We accept persecution from family members and friends while we turn the other cheek - I don't attack them for their religious or political views, and yet I am attacked by them for being a "judgemental right wing sheep bastard". I don't forward offensive political emails to those who would be offended by my opinion (actually, I don't forward any offensive political emails - both sides are wrong when they attack the other). But for anyone to say that my family and I don't do our damndest to make this country a better place to live, a better place to raise our kids, a better, cleaner planet.... Well, darn right I take offense.

All this is not an attack against you, my friend. But I don't think it's fair of the left to point fingers at the right - particularly since so many on the right have felt even more let down by our current president. There is a lot that has happened in the last 8 years that shouldn't have happened. But at what point do the American people take responsibility?

The government didn't buy houses they couldn't afford. They didn't get greedy and build their dream homes, only to have to make wacky mortgage deals in order to afford the payments. I live quite near the nation's capitol and I am astounded at the excess and waste. Wildlife is being forced into neighborhoods because areas that forever have been woodlands have been cleared to make way for mcmansions, to fill with their progeny of one or two perfect children.

I live in a state that is as liberal and left-leaning as possible, and yet, these folks are shouting for us to save the earth - while they drive their big SUVs and build their dream homes on previously unspoiled land, killing farms in the process. When people are willing to step up and really sacrifice their desires for the greater good of our country and for our earth, then perhaps I will listen closely to the left. When they are willing to sacrifice their comfort for the sake of their children, even when those children were conceived outside their life plans, I will believe them when they say we need to step up for one another.

What the left is saying, though, is that they want to be able to do whatever they want, whenever they want - without consequences. I do realize there are folks on the left who live by the ideals they claim to believe. And I don't judge those who are big hypocrites - that's not my job. I believe there will come a time when every one of us must answer for our actions and bigotry. But to say that conservative christians are responsible for the current crises in the United States is false and unfair. I don't call all leftists baby-killers.

Friend, did you know ANY Catholic priest during the time of your upbringing who was a good guy? Who really loved the Lord and was trying to shepherd in a way that brought his flock closer to Jesus? I'd bet the answer is yes. Do the sins of a few taint the whole bunch? No. I'm proof of that. My kids are proof of that. [Tomorrow, my husband and I will celebrate ten years of marriage. That isn't something that a lot of people can say these days - particularly given what we've been through in that time - some times it would have been easier or more convenient just to get divorced. But we knew the right thing to do was to sacrifice for our family. We entered into marriage with the plan that we would do anything to be true to our promises. We haven't always been successful, but we were willing to work through it without trashing each other's dignity.]

We are out here. We exist - we conservative christians who live as we say we believe. And we love America, even liberals. Even though we're misunderstood, judged, accused of being stupid. So, one of the things I'm grateful for is that this election is finally over. I'm relieved to know there won't be riots in response to the election results.

In the meantime, I'll be living my life as I have been, in prayer and love and trying to do good works. I'll be raising my children to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up for the truth and try to protect the innocent. I'll be educating them in a way that allows them to accel and to love learning, encouraging them to serve others. And yes, I hope they will learn through me and their father that loving the Lord is first, above all else. That they would know that no matter what happens in our lives, that we have a place of truth and love and comfort in our faith.

Even I, a crazy right-wing christian, will be praying for Obama. He is going to need an immense amount of support and grace in order to accomplish the good things his campaign promised. I'll also be praying that the truth of the dignity of ALL human life would be revealed to him. That he would stand firm on the values and rights our great nation has held most important since the beginning.

God Bless us all.

Your friend,

Holly

Day 4: Election Day

2008-11-04T22:33:00.002-05:00

God have mercy on us.
God help us.
I hope you voted for what you really believe in.

Day 3: Nothing Spectacular

2008-11-03T22:31:00.002-05:00

Tonight, we were so blessed to have dinner with some dear friends and a priest friend who's on assignment in DC from Florida.

It's a delight to spend time with friends and while I enjoyed my time with my family in Ohio over the weekend, it was nice to be with a group of people on the same page as I. Dinner was delicious, conversation was better and ending our time together in prayer for our nation was the highlight of the evening.

God can do anything and I believe He can use whatever happens tomorrow for good.

Don't forget to VOTE!

Day 2: An Amazing Boy

2008-11-02T22:29:00.000-05:00

Last week, when I called my youngest brother to let him know I'd be in town and wanted to see him....

Me: What are your plans for next weekend?

Him: I don't know. We don't usually make many plans so far in advance....

Besides, no matter what's going on, I'm sure seeing you is more important.

This is a kid who is about to be driving his own car, a boy who hasn't known me, who has only 14 months ago met me. And since I live in Baltimore, he's really only spent time with me 3 times since then.

I'm so grateful for his willingness to trust that I do love him and have always wanted to know him. I'm so grateful that he seems genuinely interested in seeing me and getting to know one another better and forging a relationship.

God must have His hand in this, even if my brother doesn't know it yet. I don't know why I feel so surprised that this has all been much better than I could have expected.

Day 1: We'll see how this goes

2008-11-01T21:50:00.002-04:00

I decided just now, since it is still the 1st of November and there are a couple hours left of the day..... I am going to give NaBloPoMo a shot again this year. I do realize this may mean some lame-o posts, but I am hopeful I will be able to avoid that by being a bit creative.

So, we're in Ohio, visiting my extended family of origin. It's been a lovely few days. It's fall, so the weather is pretty crazy - on the way here Wednesday, the girls and I rode through a snowstorm for more than 2 hours through the mountains in Pennsylvania. We definitely missed the view of the brilliant foliage - something even the girls had been looking forward to. The girls and I had lunch with one of my college friends and her tiny daughter one day, then last night we joined another college friend and her family for trick-or-treating.

One of the things that I thought of last night, sitting at my friend's parents' dining table... God has always been there for me - even when I didn't know it. This family invited me over quite a bit in the months after my Dad died. I hadn't known them very long, had been friends with their daughter less than one year. And yet? They frequently invited me to come over for dinner, to study there, family dinners.... Kind of strange, since I technically lived at "home". But these folks sensed that I no longer had a home - at least not one that helped me feel cared for or loved. And they did. It's weird. All these years (fourteen), I never really gave much thought to what this family did for me during a time of great need. It wasn't my own extended family that knew how to comfort me - they were dealing with their own grief. And God knew that I needed a place where I was cared for and prayed for - even if I didn't see it that way at the time. And He so graciously gave me a place - a friend who's family simply did what they could to offer a haven.

And I so appreciate it. I was overwhelmed at that table last night, as my friend sat next to me, one of her sisters across from me, another in the kitchen - our children swirling around us in costumes and fingers covered in paint, the blue dripping from one pumpkin. Overwhelmed because there are moments still that I feel like the grieving girl from fourteen years ago - I hardly feel like I've grown up, and yet I have. My family of origin is finally (mostly) recovered and I have become a woman. A woman who still misses her Dad, especially when I'm here, where I spent my life with him. But I am a woman, a wife, a mother... And I think that I am so much better at those parts of me after being loved by my various friends and their families throughout the years.

One day, I hope they all can fully grasp the depth of my gratitude.

My girls

2008-10-24T11:31:00.002-04:00

Testing

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huh.

2008-10-24T09:38:00.002-04:00

I don't suppose there's anything I can say to excuse my absence other than the fact that my life is busy. Clearly, this blog is at the bottom of my priority list. That is not to say, however, that I don't think of those who I met and cultivated friendships through this space and yours on the interweb.

It is to say that our lives are busy. Since I last wrote:

-my husband's grandmother celebrated her 90th birthday

-I had my 33rd birthday

-my sister-in-law had her first child, a son

-we've actually been staying on track with school (even I am shocked that we are in the eighth week and finishing week 9's work)

-two girls are playing soccer, so two different teams and two different schedules

-two girls are taking piano lessons and art classes

-two girls in two different science clubs

-1 girl in a language arts club

-I've been sick for a week

-gourmet dinner club

-girls' night out

-Stephenie Meyer's Twilight Series overtook my life for a week. It was an enjoyable week, though I'm sheepish to admit how much I loved this teenage vampire lovestory.

-a child jumped on my not-yet-recovered knee, requiring a visit with the surgeon who deemed me "perfect" in spite of the swelling and pain

-pumpkin carving in front of the fire with s'mores afterward

-we hosted a dinner party (I think I mentioned this before, that we were going to do it?) to thank 20 people for all their help taking care of us and helping us move this summer

-our church's fall festival and turkey dinner (I volunteer during the week before to prepare)

-this weekend we have: tailgating trick-or-treat along with a praise and worship holy hour tonight; hubs and I have a class from 10-12 tomorrow while the girls have soccer games at 10:45 and noon, we have a wedding at 4:30, then a neighborhood happy hour/potluck at 6; Sunday, we serve at the 10:30 mass, then I have a baby shower that I'm helping host at 1:30...

-Also, we are now preparing for trips to Ohio, NYC, Florida and California in the next month

-Yes. We are crazy. Thank you for asking.

So, that's why I'm not around. It isn't that I don't miss writing here, it's just that I don't miss writing here enough to actually move it up on the priority list. I thought about participating in NaBloPoMo again this year, but I won't have internet access for the two days I'm in NYC. I do realize NYC has internet access, it's just that I'm not bringing a computer with me and plan to thoroughly enjoy my time with my husband in the city. Unless I can figure out how to post to my blog from my phone. Anyone know if that's possible?

Anyway, I figured I better post something or I'm in serious danger of just needing to close up shop here. I'm not quite ready to do that yet and know from my many friends that have come and gone through their blogs that I will likely reopen within months of shutting it down. So, I won't give you empty promises of "I'll try to post more often." But I will tell you that if you read here or used to read here, I think of you. Really, I do. I pray for you, even. But, my life has taken on a speed that requires pretty much all I have to give. Which leaves nothing for writing here.

I keep thinking I'd like to document more on the Little Way, but again, living it has superceded writing about it and I haven't figured out how to get up early enough to reclaim that time for myself each morning since I hurt my knee way back in May - something to do with not sleeping well through pain? That is my only lasting complaint about my knee. Sure, it hurts still sometimes and if I overdo it, I pay for days, but for the most part I can thank God for His healing hand.

I am going to hit publish now, as I hear silence above me, which usually means they are no longer working on spelling or handwriting and I need to help them along. Today, I'm making a St. Bernadette costume, a cape/cloak for St. Therese of Liseux and the cake (minus frosting) for that shower on Sunday.

Until next time, God Bless You.

I have no real excuse....

2008-09-19T10:07:00.002-04:00

Well, not really. It isn't like I haven't been online at all, just not here. I've been sucked into the FB realm. It's pretty cool to see what people are up to and I've been contacted by a few people who I haven't talked to in many years. Neat-o. I am such a nerd.

Also, last week, we went to Atlanta and spent snippets of time with our lovely friends in Georgia. Friends asked us to be godparents to their newest daughter - it was the perfect excuse to head down there to see everyone. It was awesome to hold babies for 4 days. Of course, it makes us all want a baby that much more - even Husband was proclaiming before he got there that we should ask God for a miracle... But that's another story (that with my track record, will never get told and you will forever wonder what I was talking about in late September.... ha!).

While in the big southern city, we succumbed to the excess that is American Girl. Becca and I took our girls there for Bookworm's birthday lunch. She had saved her money and had Josefina's hair done and she bought another doll - so at 8, the kid has 4 of them. They are the one real indulgence she has and we (the parents) don't buy them.

We returned late Sunday after a day of driving. Ohmygoodness, what were we thinking? It was a whirlwind trip and I've been recovering all week. Not that I've had time to recover, what with physical therapy (only a few more weeks of going all the time!), soccer, homeschooling, new art classes, two different choirs and various other commitments at church, etc.

And now we're heading into an insane weekend with three soccer games, two team pictures, a party, a luncheon that we're hosting and oh, we're preparing for a dinner party next Saturday for about 25 people. I want to talk more about that and get some opinions on the menu I've chosen while I still have time to make changes.

Until then, God Bless!

The Summer That Wasn't

2008-08-28T13:15:00.002-04:00

Well, I never did find the wireless router, so I haven't been online nearly as much as I thought I might be after my injury and subsequent surgery.

I have tried to keep up with blogs in my bloglines account and at some point in the summer I did some sort of click that wiped out all my unread posts, so I hope I didn't miss anything terribly exciting.

As I said a month ago, this knee thing has brought me to my, well, to my knees. I have been far more humbled by this injury and recovery than any other single occurrence in my life. The help that I've needed and my real inability to do much outside the living room with my children has brought about a great deal of trust and spiritual growth.

For instance, I trust that without a doubt, no matter what happens, God will take care of us. This is proven by the very fact that 15 people showed up to help us move on the hottest day of the year. And they not only helped, but they worked until their muscles screamed and their clothes were stuck to them with the sweat of the work. We had meals brought to us off and on for two months, and for weeks after my surgery.

One friend, in particular, would pop in the week after surgery, fill my ice machine with fresh ice, bring lunch or breakfast upstairs to me and then be on her way. She just took care of little things, but those little things had to be taken care of and in the week following surgery, I was high as a kite and really don't remember too much. This friend also coordinated the bringing of meals by the other moms in our homeschooling group and church family. Not to mention taking my kids to the movies and the pool and other things.

The girls also had playdates with many friends. They'd be picked up in the morning and returned about dinner time - a fantastic way for me to be able to just take care of myself (this really only involved keeping my leg up and the ice machine on it the entire day). They claim their summer was fun and exciting.

We had a friend invite us a few weeks ago, at the last minute, to join her at the beach. It was awesome to smell the salty air and have the sun shining on my face after a summer spent indoors with my leg on a stack of pillows.

Other than that, I've accomplished nothing this summer. Sure, we moved and if you're visiting my house, it looks like we're all unpacked. But, the garage is impossible to get into and I have a room that is haphazardly filled with bath and linen items (there are no linen closets in this whole house), along with the overflow from my closet. I have a room filled with boxes of my craft stuff - sewing, scrapbooking, crafty items... And in the basement storage area, there is stuff piled on the counter about 3 feet deep and 5 feet wide that was dumped out of boxes in desperation before surgery - in an attempt to just get the boxes out of here. In retrospect, perhaps a few boxes stacked on the counter would have been easier to deal with. But I am so tired of cardboard, that I just had to get it out of here.

That being said, I think if I could be on my feet all day, I could probably get the house things squared away in about a week. Realistically, it will take me a month to get these things done. And another month to get the pillow covers made for the living room.

I've not started planning the school days, which will start in, oh, 4 days. So, I suppose I should sign off for now, with the promise that I will try harder to update sooner than a month from now. At least for my own reference to how the school year started after the summer that I did nothing but recover from knee surgery.

OOH! I should write down for posterity, though, that this morning at my follow-up with the surgeon he mistakenly thought I must be three months post-surgery because I'm doing so great. Huzzah! It's been 6 weeks, even though I feel like I'm not doing great, apparently the medical professionals think I am a rock-star-knee-healer-physical-therapy-doer. Pretty cool. Though, I'd rather have not hurt my knee to begin with.

Until next time, God Bless you!

Humility: Knee Surgery

2008-07-29T16:46:00.002-04:00

We have been overwhelmed by our friends and family. I had surgery two weeks ago on Monday and have been pretty much incapable of caring for my family since then. For the first many days, I was rather incapable of caring for myself as well.

But, meals have been brought, laundry has been done, ice has been provided...

There is not a moment that has gone by in the past two weeks that I haven't been cared for directly in some way by someone else.

I don't exactly like being in this place of need, but I am so blessed to be in a community that is both willing and able to step up and care for our family in such tangible ways.

I hope that we'll find the wireless router soon so I can get online more frequently and spend a bit more time updating and catching up with the blogs in my bloglines account. But until then, know that I think of you and pray for you.

(Non) Adoption Update

2008-07-11T10:06:00.003-04:00

There is not really an update. I mean, I suppose, yes there is, but it doesn't mean we are closer to adoption. Other than the fact that, every day, we are closer to things that will happen in the future.

That being said, we are in a new and uncharted place for us. After much prayer and discernment, we have discovered that we are not being called to adopt this baby girl. We are being called to pray for her mother and encourage her to do the very thing God wants of her. There has been no point in the past 7 weeks that I felt we were the best parents for this particular baby. Every day, every time I prayed, I am convinced that this intelligent, beautiful young mother is the very best mother for the child she carries within her right now.

I admit that I let my own selfishness get in the way, with my excitement at the possibility of adding to our family so soon. I know we are a wonderful and loving family and any child in need of a family would add so much to what we already have. We have a lot of love to share and another child would be such a blessing. But I have continued to have this nagging sense that this particular child doesn't need us as parents. She needs us to encourage her mother and love them and pray for them.

Husband and I have talked and prayed at great length over this and we feel that God is calling us to action regarding our family. So, after my surgery on Monday and my immediate recovery, we will be looking into other avenues. We wonder if God wants us to adopt a child out of the child services system. Does He want us to be available for a different baby? We don't know the answers to these questions yet, but we definitely feel that He wants us to take action.

In the meantime, we will encourage and support and pray for the mother and her girl who captured our hearts and attention this summer. And I ask you to pray for them too.

Until next time, God Bless you!

Mish Mash

2008-07-04T04:47:00.003-04:00

We're in the new house! There are still boxes in nearly every room and there are lots of things to do, like get rugs (original 90 yr. old hardwood floors!), but we are in and I turned in the keys for the other place yesterday.

No news on the adoption front. Except the birthmother is feeling overwhelmed and confused and wants some space for at least a couple weeks. I am not exactly sure what that means, other than the fact that this is an immense decision for any mother and she is currently struggling with knowing what is the best and right thing to do. So, we continue to pray for her to find peace and we're especially praying for her reconciliation with her husband. We feel strongly that the best case scenario for the baby would be if they reconcile and raise the child together as their own (it's not his biological child). Nonetheless, we'd be thrilled to welcome her into our family in September, if Rita thinks adoption is the way God is calling her.

Speaking of babies..... Becca (formerly of Vocational Trinity) had her second darling baby girl last week! I'm thrilled for my friend and hope I'll be able to make a trip to Atlanta at some point before Christmas to see them. Love you, Becca and family!!!!

In other news, we're really excited that my sister (in-law) and her husband have firm news that they will be moving to the Cleveland area for his job. They are currently in LA and expecting their first baby, a son, in September. We'll be able to see them much more frequently if they are within a 6 hour drive and I'm excited that they want me to be there to help when/after the baby's born.

I'm posting at 4:55 am on July 4th. It isn't that I just can't wait for the festivities to begin.... I have no idea why I'm up at this ridiculous hour (actually, I've been up for over an hour at this point - but got out of bed at 4:30 after trying for 60 minutes to fall back to sleep). But, I'm really excited to be heading to the airport in a few hours to pick up my mom, who decided at the last minute to come up for the weekend. It's super cool that she's coming, particularly because she'll be coming back in two weeks to help us after I have surgery.

So, for now, I'm out. I'm going to turn the tv on, which I haven't watched in over a week and haven't really missed - though, I'm disappointed I've lost everything off the DVR, since we moved to a different county and had to turn the box in. :( The disappointments of living in the digital age.

Hope you have a safe and Happy Independence Day.

God Bless you and God Bless the United States of America!

Victory

2008-06-26T09:01:00.003-04:00

I realize this morning that in my post yesterday, it seemed as if I were going to share pictures of the swollen knee. I really was thinking pictures of the new house, so I apologize up front for that offense. Because really? who wants to see pictures of my swollen knee? Nobody, that's who.

I got an email very late last night from the birthmother. Her attorney states the day was a "victory for us" (the words the birthmother used in her email). Now, it's more waiting, to find out what she wants us to do next. Our tentative plan involves traveling to her state in two weeks to meet her face to face, if that is what she wants. My ability to travel is eliminated in 18 days, plus, 14 day-advance purchase tickets are cheaper - so, we hope to hear something today regarding that.

Please continue to pray for peace for all involved and that the Lord will work out the details.

Until next time, God Bless You!

Please Pray!

2008-06-25T10:27:00.003-04:00

We should know more today about what's going on in Rita's life - and how it will affect our family's future. Please pray for a favorable outcome to the actions being taken today. And also please pray for peace for everyone involved.

On the moving front, I am busy packing and trying to get things organized for the move this weekend. I can't believe we have only 3 more nights in this house. It hardly seems real. Please pray that the swelling in my knee abates and allows me to function for the next 10 days or so until we are settled in the new place. I'd share pictures if my camera hadn't died last year. ugh.

Please pray!!!!

Things that make you go hmmm...

2008-06-19T18:13:00.002-04:00

I promise this blog won't turn into a space where I blast different companies for their policies and lack of service. That being said, I'm going to voice a complaint about Netflix. Swistle brought this to my attention, since I hadn't actually read the email from Netflix that is in my inbox.

Our family has subscribed to Netflix for 5 years. We have been exceedingly happy with the ease of service. We have registered 6 mailing addresses with them and our movies have been a constancy in our crazy lives.

And now, they are eliminating the feature that makes us happiest, the one which ensures Husband has movies he wants to watch, while I am sometimes sitting on a movie for a few ~~months~~ weeks before watching it and getting it back in the mail.

I lodged a formal complaint with their customer service department and was assured that they are eliminating this family-friendly feature in order to better serve their customers. I explained that this is one of the key features that has kept us with them all these years. I don't know how they think they can better serve us by removing these peace-keeping profiles, but we'll wait it out and see.

If this is something you are also unhappy with, I encourage you to pick up the phone and call their customer service number - it's on the website and on the bottom of their emails. I figure if they have enough customers crying boo, maybe they'll listen to how they can truly better service the ones who rent their movies from Netflix.

Make that three this morning!

2008-06-16T10:14:00.004-04:00

Vonage makes me crazy.

When our cable/internet company increased their rates and it was cheaper for us to bundle our phone service with them and cancel Vonage, that's what I tried to do.

The first insult, Vonage would not release our home telephone number, so we were forced to change phone numbers. Then, when I tried to cancel our Vonage account, I was made to feel guilty for leaving a service that had really been fine for the year we'd had it. The guy on the phone said they'd give me two months free, then reduce my rate in order to make it more affordable in light of the increase in my cable/internet costs. He really wouldn't take no for an answer and I suppose I should have just bitten his head off, because that is what it just took now to finally (5 months later) have the darn service cancelled.

To add insult to injury, they are charging us a cancellation fee (because we hadn't had our service for 24 months). As if paying for service that we weren't using wasn't enough for them. I am absolutely furious. Nobody should call me with bad news this morning because I just might yell at you.

Ah, the phone is ringing.... good luck to whoever is on the other end.

Two in a day!

2008-06-16T09:35:00.003-04:00

Our move date is quickly approaching and I need to put a list someplace where I won't misplace it. So, unfortunately, you are going to see my list, that is, the four of you who I love so much and you check in here....

Pack:

My bedroom

My bathroom

Girls' bathroom

Girls' bedroom

Office/craft/disaster room

Dining Room

Living Room

Family Room - finish (Husband packed up the books on the bookshelves on Saturday)

Basement - finish (a friend and I spent two half days down there a couple weeks ago, so I don't have more than another half day of work down there)

Linen Closets

Kitchen

Arrange for change of address:

Power

Cable

Bank

Credit Cards

Postcards - order

Postcards - mail

~~Mail~~

Cell Phone

Doctors offices

Water

Cleaning Whiz

Cancel:

Newspaper

Lawn Service

Things to Schedule:

Surgery Pre-op

Home Study

Trip to meet Rita

Carpet Cleaning

and Final Clean of old house

Moving Help

Movers for things like piano and appliances

And yes, life continues for the next 12 days. I better get away from this desk....

God Bless you!

No news

2008-06-16T09:06:00.002-04:00

There's not more to tell at this point regarding the possible adoption, other than we have contacted an attorney and will begin the process of the home study. We both talked to Rita the other night and it was another good conversation, we feel like she's genuine and really trying to make a decision based on prayer and what is best for the baby. We'll know a bit more next week, we hope, when some things in her life are given at least temporary resolution and she feels more free to focus on a potential adoption. So, I suppose no news at this point is better than poor news.

Please continue to keep Rita and the baby in your prayers.

On the Phone

2008-06-10T08:40:00.002-04:00

Well, it turned out my anxiety over the upcoming phone call was unnecessary. Rita is a perfectly delightful girl, quite smart and very faith-filled and our mutual friend was right about the idea that we'd be friends if meeting under other circumstances. She was funny and honest and a long-winded. Those of you who know me well, probably will be surprised that she dominated the conversation and really talked my ear off (90+ minutes on the phone!).

Strange of all strange, her (very esoteric) college major was exactly the same as Husband's. Weird. Her family is similar to Husband's, so their childhoods were rather parallel, particularly where faith is concerned. She's a bit self-deprecating (more like me than Husband), but really wants to do the right thing for the baby.

So, I'm a bit more hopeful than before the call when I thought she was dragging her feet before contacting us. There are still obstacles, in particular regarding the father. She suggested we get an attorney (I think that means she likes us so far) and that we keep talking and getting to know one another.

So, please continue to pray for Rita. For peace in her heart, that she would feel that God is calling her to a decision... She seems genuinely afraid of what is happening with the father, so I ask for specific prayers regarding that situation. And please pray for us too.

I just can't explain how excited I am - and I'm really trying hard not to get my hopes up too much. But all these puzzle pieces seem to have God's fingerprints on them and I can't help feeling incredibly hopeful that this will be an answer to our prayers for another child.

Until next time, God Bless you!

I think I might throw up

2008-06-09T12:12:00.002-04:00

We got an email from Rita last night. Then, right after I had read it ten times, our power went out. So I couldn't do anything but go to bed and pray.

I responded this morning, with most of an email that I'd composed throughout last week, hoping I'd have an opportunity to connect with her. Afraid of having the opportunity to connect with her.

She responded this morning with two more emails, one enclosing a picture of herself.

I burst into tears.

Sheesh, you'd think I was the one with the pregnancy hormones coursing through my veins.

We are going to talk on the phone this afternoon and I have no idea what I'm going to say, but I will certainly be a blathering fool and she will run screaming in the other direction and any hopes of us adopting her baby will be turned to dust and I just know she's not going to think we're the "right" family and we're not good enough and maybe she should start over..... And yes, I'm being a bit melodramatic, but part of that is because there isn't enough oxygen getting to my brain because I keep holding my breath waiting to implode from the excitement and disbelief that this may happen.

So, please pray. Please continue to pray for Rita. And pray for us, too, that we might go where we're supposed to and that we would know which path that is.

And selfishly, I pray that we might have another baby girl join our family in 3 months.

Wow. I'm crying again. I'll keep you posted.

Until next time, God Bless you.

Praying for Rita*

2008-06-07T00:07:00.003-04:00

So, I wait on pins and needles. I suppose this is pretty normal when a family is potentially in the process of adopting. But for me, it is an awkward place to be. I find myself not praying for what I want, but for what God's will is in this entire situation.

The birthmother hasn't contacted us yet, but our mutual friend told me that there are a multitude of crazy things happening this week in their lives, including a terrible car crash - thank God noone was hurt.

I've been feeling a bit like I've had a positive pregnancy test. For me, I hope for the opportunity of an eventual baby, but a plus sign on the stick rarely leads to diapers and coos for us. It's merely a possibility.

I've been praying fervently for the birthmother and her family, especially the precious baby in her womb. I pray that she finds the peace and knowledge she seeks, the strength to do whatever is right, whatever is God's will. I pray that she can forgive herself for her mistakes, that she and her husband can heal their marriage, that their family would heal and remain intact, stronger than ever. I pray that she obtains all the forgiveness she needs, the perserverence to weather this storm and the faith to help her through.

I don't know what will happen, but I do know that whether I become the mom of this baby, she will forever have a place in my heart, even though I've only known of her existence for 3 days. And while I do hope, in a very selfish way, that we will welcome this baby girl into our family this fall, I am willing to accept the Lord's will and continue to pray for these precious children of God.

In the meantime, I'm hitting refresh on my email every 15 minutes. I just hope to get a message soon.

Please pray for Rita.

*Name has been changed to protect the identity of the birthmother and her family.

And another month gone by....

2008-06-03T22:57:00.003-04:00

Not quite, but certainly close. Not that anyone is really reading anymore these days. I certainly don't blame you.

I finally did find the router (it was in a box! in the basement!) yesterday, so maybe I'll actually bring it upstairs and get the laptop running and online, which might mean more frequent posting. We'll see. There are lots of things I'd like to post about, but words seem to fail me these days.

I'm in chronic pain from my knee. The soonest I could have surgery is June 23, but since we are moving July 1 we've pushed the surgery to July 14. The surgeon and the physical therapist both insisted I'm getting around much better than they'd expect for such a severe knee injury - and they both rolled their eyes when I mentioned it must be the power of prayer. Because stairs will be a near impossibility directly after the surgery (I can make it up and down them now slowly and gingerly, but pretty easily otherwise), it made most sense to do the surgery after the move. It means extended time of pain, but to not have the stress of moving while trying to recover from surgery... like I said, it makes the most sense.

Tonight, we got a call from a most excellent friend of the family who invited herself over for a visit. This was rather unusual for her, particularly considering she wouldn't arrive til after 7:45 and she doesn't live terribly close - and she's not really one to just show up on someone's doorstep. It was a pleasant surprise and we always enjoy being with her. The girls played their piano pieces (they have a recital coming up on Saturday) for her and told her all about their day. We prayed a rosary together and then sent the girls to bed. And the reason for the visit was put on the table.

I'm about to talk about something that is sensitive in nature, so if you know us or our families, please keep your lips sealed. We don't know if this is going to go anywhere, but seeing as how I'm not going to sleep tonight, I might as well write about it. If you cannot keep quiet, please do not read further, but if you can and want to know why I won't be able to sleep, then read on.

A good friend of our friend has a daughter in a crisis pregnancy. It was recommended by their adoption attorney that the daughter travel to a different state to give birth and proceed with an adoption (this is due to the adoption laws in their home state, I suppose). Our friend suggested that her house would be available if the daughter chose to come to our state for the birth. After playing phone tag with the daughter all weekend, they finally got on the phone today and the daughter asked our (mutual) friend if she knew of a Catholic couple who would be a good option to parent her daughter. And we came to mind.

I don't know a lot of details yet, other than this woman has been talking to an attorney already and is convinced that this is the right thing to do for her second child, as the situation is truly a crisis. But we do know that it is a baby girl that is due in the early fall. Nothing is certain - and the mother can change her mind up to 30 days after terminating her rights. But I would like to ask for prayers. We will be contacting them tomorrow and then proceeding to find an attorney and get the ball rolling on our end.

This would be a direct answer to my own prayers and while the timing isn't perfect for us (2 months post-surgery, I will still have some limited mobility), I can't imagine how awesome it would be to have a newborn girl again. My heart literally aches when I think of it.

So, please. Pray for me. Pray for us. Pray for the birthmother and darling baby girl.

And maybe I'll have to blog through this entire crazy process this summer - as if moving and surgery weren't enough on our plates! The blessing! Oh, I do hope that this is the one God has in mind for us.

sigh

Woweee!

2008-05-14T10:19:00.002-04:00

I can't believe it's been nearly a month since I posted anything, let alone a real post.

We went to NYC for the Papal Mass at Yankee Stadium. In short, it was AWESOME!

Four days later, we drove to Ohio to visit my family there. That Saturday was my nephews' first communion. The same day was my niece's first birthday party. The day after that we took my youngest brother to the Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame.

Four days later, we flew to Florida to visit our family there. That Saturday was my grandparents' (in-law) 65th wedding anniversary. The day after that, we had a baby shower for my sister (in-law).

You get the idea. We've been busy. I helped plan the anniversary party and baby shower, so when I was home, I was working on those things.

We've been thinking of preparing for our move this summer and we've been going through the boxes in the basement - at a snail's pace, but at least it's getting done. This weekend, we had 4 days of non-stop rain and our basement flooded, so yesterday the going through boxes really picked up in pace. Then, last night, as I was taking wet, empty boxes up to the trash, I blew out my knee. And then spent the evening/night in the emergency room.

I will probably need surgery, as I can feel the bones rubbing together and I I'm certain that nothing is really holding that knee together at all. It is a knee I injured in college playing soccer (I was slide-tackled by an overly aggressive girl), so it was already weak. Now, I'm in an immobilizer, with crutches and the need for my husband to help me off the floor (when I'm coming up the stairs) and this morning I had the humiliating privilege of getting help in and out of the tub, then getting dressed. Funner times were never had.

I could use some prayers, as I am feeling a bit sorry for myself and am completely unable to do simple things like cook breakfast for my children, get myself on and off the toilet without a lot of maneuvering, shower....

If I can get my router found (I think it's in a box somewhere) and get it all hooked up, I might be able to post a lot in the coming weeks.

If not, though, please know I pray for you daily (even if you are no longer checking in here, I pray for you.). I think of you and hope you're doing well.

God Bless.

My First Visit to NYC!

2008-04-20T04:25:00.002-04:00

I'm up at 4am. Can't sleep. Too excited. Will blog more here. Going to see Pope Benedict XVI today!!!
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I'll be praying for you and all your intentions.
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We are so blessed.

What would you do?

2008-04-15T12:49:00.004-04:00

We saw a house on Sunday. Honestly, after we drove past on Saturday evening, we really were thinking it needed to blow our socks off inside when we saw it. It didn't knock our socks off, but there were definite positives. Perhaps you can tell me if we're making a good decision? Or just affirm us? OR just tell me I'm flippin' crazy and we should keep looking.

Pros__________________________________ Cons

~it's close enough that we ~~~~~~~~~~~~~It's on a city block

can walk places: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~cars parked on the street

library, post office, ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~postage stamp size lawn

restaurants, even a friend's house~~~~~~~~have to cross a big road to get

~Old house, with great old features ~~~~~~~to where we want to go

hardwoods, woodburning fireplace ~~~~~~~~Not nearly as nice a

~attic bedroom for the girls - no ~~~~~~~~neighborhood as the one we're

looking at their mess - also, no need ~~~~~~in now (older/city block, as

for guests to see their mess ~~~~~~~~~~~~opposed to newish suburbia)

~cheaper rent, so maybe we could~~~~~~~~~basement is only partially

get out of debt?!? Plus, build a decent ~~~~~~~finished

savings account?!? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~can't park in the garage

~similar space for entertaining, though ~~~~guests would have to park on

the dining room is awesome, compared to ~~~street

now ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~really, not nearly as nice a

~space in basement rec room for drums, ~~~~house as where we are now

with additional space for tv, video games, ~~~mostly because age (88 yrs)

craft bar with storage cabinets, etc. ~~~~~~~~smallish kitchen

~possibly will be managed by our current ~~~~~small bedrooms

property manager, so no need to come up with

additional monies up front ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~some of our bedroom

~newly refinished kitchen and ~~~~~~~~~~~furniture may not go up the

downstairs bathroom ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~narrow stairs or fit in rooms

~no need to pay lawn service

~cute landscaping with flagstones, etc. ~~~~~not a lot of natural light in

~owners love the neighborhood and ~~~~~~~~~some of the rooms

plan to move back, plus there ~~~~~~~~~~~~~no master bath - all

seem to be kids nearby ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~bedrooms share one bath

~big closets, and lots of 'em

~office and sun porch/deck on same floor as bedrooms

I guess in some ways, we are being a little snobby in thinking it's not such a great house. It is a fine house and the owners have clearly done some really nice things with it (it was built as upstairs/downstairs apartments). But, we have lived in some really really nice houses (this one and the last 2). This feels a little like a step backwards, but maybe we should have been saving more before and living in some lesser places before? I think in some ways, we both feel like our egos are going to take a hit by moving into the city.

On the other hand, it will be nice to be able to walk places, as opposed to being belted into the car everywhere - maybe we'll save some money on gas? Plus, it seems like there's a neighborly spirit that doesn't exist in our part of suburbia - the owner said they intentionally park in the street to create pinch points so cars can't drive fast through the neighborhood, thus providing a little safety for the kids. Even though I thought it was annoying there were so many cars in the street, I really can see their point.

Whirlwind

2008-04-13T23:32:00.003-04:00

This weekend has been joyously busy. We started with our usual time with Jesus on Friday evening from 5-6. Then, we headed to our young friends' current home for dinner and hanging out. They are fun - funny, smart and about exactly where we were 5 years ago. Their children are almost 2 and almost 6 months. We leave there thinking, how on earth do that deal with that every day? And then we realized we did that, too. It was just long enough in our past that we've completely glazed it over. Anyway, it was an enjoyable night filled with lots of wine.

Saturday, a high school friend of my husband's came for lunch with her husband. (We've stayed in touch with her these past 9 or so years and visit with her if we all happen to be in Florida visiting our parents at the same time.) They live on the Virginia side outside of DC and since she has a high-powered job as a lobbyist and we are ridiculously busy, it's been hard to meet up since we moved here last year. It was a stunning day, so we enjoyed sitting on the deck and enjoying our lunch in the fresh air and sunshine.

Also, we are suburbanites. We belong to a gourmet supper club that gets together once per month and that was Saturday evening. So, yay! More wine! Fantastic, really.

And today, we began the long process that will hopefully result in a streamlined basement. Oh, and then we went to see a house before heading to evening church.

The house? It's got pluses and minuses. We are at a stalemate - how do we make a decision when we are not on the same page? This is really the first time this has happened in more than 8 years. So, seriously, how do we solve this?

I'll try to write more tomorrow about the house and list its pros and cons for you, perhaps you can offer some suggestions.

You have GOT to be kidding me

2008-04-09T14:14:00.003-04:00

You know what happens when I open my mouth? Pretty much any time I say something with some amount of relief, I am knocked back on my heels. Remember me telling about the conversation with my brother and how lucky we've been not to get sick this year? And then within two days, I had a vomiting kid and then a week later, I was sick with a fever and then it hit my husband....

Well, I was marveling to a friend the other day that at the end of this month, we will have been in this home for longer than we've been anywhere in the past 5 years. 15 months. In one home. It's something we took for granted before, but man, it's been really nice not to move in the past year. And we were looking at the prospect of not even moving for at least another year from now. Which, frankly, would be awesome.

And yesterday, I got a call from our property manager.

And we have to move this summer. The homeowners are returning to the States and will be moving back into their house. That means we are in a pickle. Should my husband apply for the job in Orlando? Initially, we'd dismissed that idea since we really feel God has things for us to accomplish here before we're to move again. Plus, the job in Orlando is with a company that doesn't have a lot of upward-mobility opportunities for Husband. It would just be a job to get us to Florida, at least closer to our family there.

But then, I think about my brothers and the rest of my family in Ohio. I don't want to be so far away from them again so soon, when we're just getting to really know one another again, along with sharing my family with my family of origin. Also, there's a good possibility that my husband's sister will be moving to the Cleveland area (from Los Angeles) and she's expecting her first baby this fall...

Not to mention, our friends and the homeschooling support that we have here... And our activities and responsibilities to our church community here...

I keep thinking we'll be staying here, maybe even a bit selfishly - who wants to establish connections in a 5th city in as many years? But either way you slice this pie, we're moving this summer. Please pray that we get as much help as we need (I still can't lift anything and my shoulders are about in the worst shape ever) and that we find the home that God has in mind for us - and that we know it is the right one.

I'll try to write more often, but I can't promise anything - I've got to start packing. Again.

Spring Insomnia

2008-04-04T00:25:00.002-04:00

I can't sleep. I could dismiss it and play it off like it's no big deal. But this week..... Well, this week has not been the kindest week to me in past years. Although, 6 years ago this week, I was blessed beyond measure with the birth of my second daughter.

I can't believe she's six already. To top it off, she lost her first tooth today. Which reminds me.... We totally forgot about the tooth fairy. Funny, how we're entering an era and one of Nino's is leaving it. Live blogging, folks, as I was typing this post, I ran to play tooth fairy. I even flitted a bit. For those of you who know me in person, you'll know just how awkward that was. Six.... I'm floored.

So, this week... why is it a bummer for me every year, in spite of the joyous occasion of Silly Sally's birthday? Well, 4 years ago, this happened. Go ahead and read it, then come back. You'll want to read that post and the next one to get all that I'd written about it.

And then 3 years ago, this happened.

So, yeah. Crappy week. I'll be back next week.

God Bless You.

Prayers

2008-04-02T22:57:00.002-04:00

Please pray, especially tonight, for Tricia. She is in surgery right now to have a double lung transplant.

What a wonderful gift on Nathan's birthday!

God Bless them all - Tricia and Nathan and Baby Gwyneth, the doctors, the donor's family...

Yesterday

2008-03-27T09:04:00.004-04:00

fling the windows wide - fresh air breezing through house

soak the sun into pale skin - picnic on deck

scrub and wipe and mop - warm-ish air lifting hair off neck

girly laughter filters through screens - happy, musky, sweaty heads

starting seeds this weekend - to plant for next month's showers

can't wait for warmth to stay.

Karma

2008-03-21T08:28:00.003-04:00

A couple weeks ago, I was talking on the phone with my brother and heard the sinus junk in his voice - for the third time this winter. I commented that we'd been rather blessed this season with the non-occurrence of illness in our home - then I chuckled and said I hoped I hadn't just slapped fate in the face. bah! Prophetic words, them. The very next night, Bookworm awoke with the need to empty the contents of her stomach. Poor thing suffered greatly for about 24 hours and really didn't eat for about two and a half days.

A week after that, I awoke ten or seventy times throughout the night, unable to get comfortable or fall back to sleep. Apparently, I was also saying some crazy things, keeping my husband awake as well. Perhaps he should think twice before scheduling a meeting with 30 people from church in our house at 3 am next time. (what could have possibly been going through my mind? did I really think there were forty people downstairs at that time?) I managed to do absolutely nothing other than lay in bed or on a couch for two entire days, so burning with fever was I. It was great! Next time, I ought to just keep my darn mouth shut when I notice my brother and his family have picked up germs multiple times in the season. I probably deserved being knocked on my butt for feeling so smug.

God Bless you.

New Space

2008-03-12T22:22:00.002-04:00

I'll be posting about my faith and heart at a new space. I will continue to (sporadically) post about my personal life here.
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Check it out if you're interested.

Perspective

2008-03-07T11:39:00.003-05:00

Well, the urgent prayer request no longer involves us. But, please continue to pray for those involved.

I'd like to tell you what happened. I was talking on the phone to my mother yesterday and she mentioned a situation of a girl of 20 years pregnant with her fourth child (3 different fathers, current husband in prison - so #3 and #4 are sired by a boyfriend). Messy situation, particularly since her husband is about to get out of prison. They don't have the means to support a fourth baby, so they were looking to place it for adoption.

I immediately knew that our family is open to accepting more children any way that God has in mind. I made some phone calls and inquired through my mom's friend about the girl and the situation.

Last night, through prayer, we really felt that God is calling us to be open to adoption and, dare I say, move forward with accepting a baby this way. My thoughts first thing this morning were of having a baby soon and how excited I will be to have some sleepless nights and a small warm body cozied up to me. I have to admit, I was feeling pretty hopeful and optimistic. I called again, hoping I could reach the birth mother directly - I know she'd feel confident her baby was being welcomed into a great family if she got to know us a bit.

And when I got in touch with my mom's friend (who made contact last night with the birth mother), I was told that the girl wants money. This closes the door for us. We are not interested in getting involved with a baby seller. It is illegal to buy or sell children in this country and well, even if we had the financial ability to buy a baby, we just can't see doing such a thing.

So, I ask you to pray for this young woman. Obviously, her situation is desparate. I pray for her children and especially for the one in her womb, which is now for sale to the highest bidder. I pray for emotional healing for the mother, for a peace that surpasses understanding, that she would make a good and healthy decision for her baby and for herself.

I also ask for your prayers for us. We would love nothing more than to add to our family. And after our prayers last night, our eyes were opened - God wants us to pursue this, even if this particular baby is not the right one for us.

I have a peace knowing that God will work great wonders with our "Yes!" and we are confident that our desires for a larger family will be fulfilled - in His perfect time. I think this may be the first time I've felt that peace in many years, so I rejoice on this Friday of Lent. That I have an answer, even in this non-answer I received this morning. That the desires of my heart will be fulfilled, if only I submit myself to His perfect will. So, here I am, Lord, send me!

Urgent Prayer Request

2008-03-06T14:01:00.003-05:00

Something came to my attention today and I am seeking urgent prayers for everyone involved. I can't share details yet (hopefully there will be details to share very soon), but I'd like some prayers on our behalf for discernment and guidance.

I can't help but trust that God will take care of all the details (or provide avenues for those details to be handled smoothly). But, please pray! Also, please pray for the others involved to have peace and guidance as well.

Sorry for the cryptic request, but I hope to be able to tell you very soon.

Middle Name Meme

2008-03-04T12:10:00.000-05:00

I was tagged by Margaret Mary for this meme. Thanks, Margaret Mary!

M - Mary, she is my role model. I wish I could more graciously say yes when the Lord wants something from me. Also, wishing I would be more gentle, like she surely was when Jesus was a boy.

A - Aunt! I'm still so excited to be getting another niece or nephew this year. I wish my sister (in-law) and her husband lived closer.

R - Read. I love to read and would like some suggestions on good books you've read lately that have touched you in a special way. I'm tired of grabbing whatever's on the shelf by the door of the library, just because it is convenient when I've got the girls with me. I want to read something with more substance - something that might challenge me to grow as a person. Please offer suggestions!

I - Insecure. I am, really. I try to overcome this, but a lifelong battle with low self-esteem has been a really hard habit to break. A nun told me last week that she thinks it takes a very special kind of mom to say yes to homeschooling and I completely blew off her compliment. Later, I wondered why she'd say such a thing - then it occured to me that she said it because it is true. I believe it of others, but not of myself. Lord, please help me change my attitude toward myself.

E - Eager to serve. I love to make people feel welcome. I like to do small special things for others, especially guests in my home. If you come to visit, I promise to do small nice things to make you feel warm and fuzzy.

I will tag anyone who wants to do this. Let me know so I can read your answers!

God is good - ALL THE TIME!

2008-02-26T10:58:00.002-05:00

All the time, God is good!

This morning, I write that a plane ticket has been booked to get Nol home to his wife. I write this with joy and sadness. I've had a front row seat in witnessing what happens when you trust God to take care of a need.

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My husband went to the hotel Sunday night, when Nol was working, in order to let him know our mission. For the second time in as many days, Nol broke down into tears in the kitchen at work - this time as a friend assured him that he would be going home as soon as possible.

The ticket was booked this morning, on the faith that we would have enough money to pay the bill when it comes. We know we will have it - I continue to get calls and emails from all over - and when I check the paypal account, there seem to be new payments - from names I've never even heard before.

God has worked in a mighty way this week - through the generosity of many many people. I personally appreciate each donation, each prayer... Something has transformed in me in the past few days, contemplating the kind of life that requires working many hours in a foreign country - sacrificing onesself to provide for a family and a village he cannot even enjoy.

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March 3rd, 2008

I sat down this morning to write an update and found this in my drafts, so I will post it with an update.

This morning, Nol has arrived in Cebu, Philippines to be with his family for the next 5+ weeks. In addition to his flights, we were able to give him an envelope with money to help support his family while he has no income. What we gave him is not enough to cover his wife's medical expenses, so we are still collecting donations on his family's behalf.

We are so touched at the numbers of people who gave generously last week. Thank you for your prayers!

With Great Sadness

2008-02-26T01:22:00.000-05:00

This post made me cry.
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What are we doing?!?!
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God Bless our nation and its leaders that allow this to continue. May their hearts be changed and may those in authority have their eyes open to truth.

Nol Update

2008-02-24T11:10:00.005-05:00

By Sunday morning, Nol's Fund had $550

*in the paypal account - $250

*pledges - $300

PLUS a roundtrip ticket from BWI to LAX (the tickets to the Philippines are much cheaper from the west coast of the USA).

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After our prayer group meeting on Sunday morning, (where we did not ask anyone for money, though some of them had received an email) Nol's Fund has $800

* in the paypal account - $250

* pledges - $200

* checks & cash - $350

PLUS the roundtrip ticket from BWI to LAX

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As of 2:30 PM Sunday, Nol's Fund has $875

* in the paypal account - $325
* pledges - $100
* checks & cash - $450
PLUS the roundtrip ticket from BWI to LAX

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As of 10:30 AM Monday, Nol's Fund has $ 1445
* in the paypal account - $ 395

* pledges - $300

* checks & cash - $ 750

PLUS the roundtrip ticket from BWI to LAX

I will update more as there are things to update. It is INCREDIBLE to see God working through all of us to get Nol home to his family!

Nol

2008-02-23T11:48:00.003-05:00

This morning at breakfast, Adam asked how we might come up with a fast $2500. I thought he must be crazy - what do we need that for? Then he relayed the following story:
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Nol is 67 years old. He has come to the United States from the Philippines in order to support his family better than he can in his own country. The main problem is Nol's family continues to live in the Philippines. This is a true blessing for them - they remain at home, yet receive the glamorous income from Nol's hard work. Nol has been a hardworking, committed dishwasher at the Adam's hotel for the past 8 years. He also works at the Marriott, where he is a dishwasher. Nol spends 16 hours of each day washing dishes. On Sundays, he attends mass.
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Nol lives simply and sends nearly every penny he earns to his family in the Philippines. For years, he has supported the high school in his hometown by sending musical instruments and supplies. He sends whatever he can to improve the lives of others - his family and others in their community. He's a sweet man, with a simple and beautiful faith - sharing of God's grace and goodness with everyone around him. Adam, for one, has been blessed by Nol's willingness to share his faith, especially at work.
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So, why this money? Well, Nol's wife has diabetes and she is critically ill. His daughter has told him that her mother's illness is coming to an end and she wants nothing but to see her husband again before she goes to be with her Lord. Nol has not asked for the money, but last night, in the kitchen of the Holiday Inn, as he told Adam that his wife is dying, Adam thought he had to make sure this man could support his family in a more intimate way during this time. So we are asking for your help.
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If we could get 50 people to give just $50 by Tuesday morning, Nol could be home with his family by next weekend - provided the flights don't go up too astronomically before we can book the ticket. This Lent, you can make a real difference for Nol and his family. By giving up just one meal out with your family of 4, you can help Nol be with his wife and children - for the first time in 7 years! If you know anyone else who might be willing to help, please direct them here.
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You can forward donations to us - through Paypal. Send me an email (through the contact me link on the sidebar) and I will give you the information.

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You could send a check (this would be last resort, as we need to gather the money fast), again, you'll need to email me for that information.

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I realize this is a ridiculous request - so many that are reading this barely know us. But we trust in God's providence and we believe that He will allow all of us to bless Nol's family during this Lent. We know that we can do anything in His Holy Name and that He wants us to help in any way we can. And we just don't have the funds to send Nol on our own. But we know that God will provide. We just know it - so many of you have proven yourselves to be angels in the short (or long) time that we've known you.
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We pray that you are able and willing to help. In addition to the funds, we would ask that you would pray that Nol's wife would not suffer, that Nol would make it home in time to be with her. We pray for peace for her children, for Nol and mostly for her - that she would have a happy death and find herself with Christ.
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Thank you so much for prayerfully helping.

Getting Technical

2008-02-19T22:29:00.003-05:00

This morning, as we were sitting at the kitchen table, going over her math:

Me: Bookworm, you have to delete these zeroes (pointing at the page)

Bookworm: Oh, I forgot (as she uses the purple rubber end of her pencil to "delete" them)

Clearly, I don't remember that it's called, you know, erasing.

Static

2008-02-18T16:18:00.004-05:00

Even though I feel like I get stuff done every day, I hardly feel like I am making progress through the piles of things I need to get done.
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Ever feel like that?
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I've got literal piles and figurative piles and they are both driving me batty. I am fairly certain the literal piles are also ~~beginning to drive~~ driving my husband batty as well. I think one of the problems is my inability to focus on a task for more than 4.2 minutes at a time, particularly when there are pages of math to check and help correct.
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All this to say I'm here. I had a great weekend, but feel under the gun on some projects and would like to really make some headway around the house.... Any ideas? Also, if you know someone who likes to clean toilets, please give them my address. Immediately. Thank you.
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Homeschool Update

2008-02-16T10:58:00.002-05:00

Somehow, we've managed to mostly stay on track for the school year. One catch - I have to scan everything and send it in to Seton for grades. This is actually on my list to complete by the end of this month - to have first and second quarter submitted to Seton.

As I'd predicted from the beginning of this school year, Sally is almost finished with Kindergarten - she'll likely finish everything before her birthday at the end of March. I think we may just order first grade and get started. I was hoping to get the conference discount in June, but I really think we shouldn't wait for her to get started on the coursework. I've considered just getting a couple subjects and having her do science with her sister, but I can't decide what's best for her right now. I suppose I'll pray about it. The only problem with doing partial subjects is then we have the issue of Seton's grades being off. I do think it's possible she'll finish first and second grade by the summer of 2009.

Up until about 5 weeks ago, she was completely uninterested in even trying to read. Now? She's reading. It's amazing! The other night, we played a beginning reader Bible trivia game and she rocked it! She read the cards with practically no help. Of course, it took longer having her read, but it was fantastic to see the progress she's made in such a short time. We're very proud of her efforts and her interest.

Bookworm is pretty much the same. We've had some trouble with her crying when something doesn't come easily to her, but that seems to be easing up. She'll finish the some subjects ahead of schedule, so we'll work on book reports and creative writing, both of which she abhors. She's actually going to have to do two book reports this month since she has refused to do them up til now (and I have to submit the coursework for first and second quarter). Seton's curriculum could be a bit more challenging in some areas, but I think it's a great, solid program. We will be supplementing more from the library as we head into the spring.

I've been affirmed repeatedly for making this decision to school our children at home. They are blossoming and they both are incredible kids (of course I am biased). They have both thanked me in recent months for homeschooling them - they are starting to realize how much extra they get to do because our schedule allows. It's very rewarding to see them grow and learn.

Happy Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T08:18:00.001-05:00

May your day be filled with peace, love and much sweetness!

60 Things

2008-02-13T12:28:00.002-05:00

60 Things You Possibly Didn't Know About Me

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now? not much, it was recently cleaned out, but I'm sure the girls have a few things lying under their seats
2. When was the last time you threw up? last fall during a migraine
3. What's your favorite curse word? Does crap count?
4. Name 3 people who made you smile today? Husband, Bookworm and Silly Sally, not necessarily in that order
5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning? Wishing I could stay in my warm bed all day long.
6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? finishing up more than 2 hours on the phone trying to figure out what was wrong with my internet connection. Also, quizzing Bookworm on multiplication tables
7. What will you be doing 3 hours from now? Hanging photos at church
8. Have you ever been to a strip club? Yes
9. What is the last thing you said aloud? Don't play on the stairs, we are NOT going to the emergency room today!!
10. What is the best ice cream flavor? any flavor that is in my bowl
11. What was the last thing you had to drink? water
12. What are you wearing right now? black jeans, long-sleeved tee under a striped polo, pink slippers and a fleece jacket
13. What was the last thing you ate? oatmeal with dried cherries, almonds and flax meal
14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? no
15. When was the last time you ran? that time a monster was chasing me
16. What's the last sporting event you watched? Silly Sally's last indoor soccer game
18. Who is the last person you emailed? our priest
19. Ever go camping? yes
20. Do you have a tan? um, let me think about that one....
24. Do you drink your soda from a straw? if there's a straw in it
25. What did your last IM say? I don't remember the last time I was on IM
26. Are you someone's best friend? I hope so
27. What are you doing tomorrow? Driving the girls to piano lessons, heading to get a cup of coffee and sit and read a book for a while before picking them up to go to the library, then to a St. Valentine's Day party in the afternoon. Then, we head to DC to take the girls to see Disney on Ice in the evening. Can I just go back to bed now?
28. Where is your mom right now? at work?
29. Look to your left, what do you see? Bookworm
30. What color is your watch? silver
31. What do you think of when you think of Australia? Sue
32. Would you consider plastic surgery? Absolutely
33. What is your birthstone? sapphire
34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? I do, only when we meet friends for the kids to play - it's too cold for the park here.
35.How many kids do you want? 4
36. Do you have a dog? no
37. Last person you talked to on the phone? Michael from Vonage
38. Have you met anyone famous? My father-in-law - depending on what circles you run in, you'd think he was famous.
39. Any plans today? Need to get to those pictures....
40. How many states have you lived in? 5
41. Ever go to college? yes, I majored in partying with frat boys
42. Where are you right now? home
43. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? temperature
44. Last song listened to? The Big Parade, as played by Sally
46. Are you allergic to anything? cats
47. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
48. Are you jealous of anyone? no
50. Is anyone jealous of you? I'm pretty sure not
51. What time is it? 12:47pm
52. Do any of your friends have children? most of my friends do
53. Do you eat healthy? um, most of the time
54. What do you usually do during the day? teach the girls, laundry, extra activities (tomorrow, we go to a Valentine party with the homeschool group; piano lessons, library, etc.), mass when I can drag myself out of bed in time
55. Do you hate anyone right now? not ever
56. Do you use the word 'hello' daily? yes
58. How old will you be turning on your next birthday? 33
59. Have you ever been to Six Flags? No
60. How did you get one of your scars? collided with a teammate during warmup before a softball game

Sleet

2008-02-12T14:49:00.000-05:00

As I'm readying myself and my children to run out the door to take care of a number of things, not least of all is voting in the presidential primary, the weather seems to have taken a turn for the worse.

These things must be taken care of today, particularly the voting, so what should I do? Do I risk being out and the roads worsen, then I'm left to drive in not-ideal conditions with my girls in tow?

There are many other things I'd like to talk about today, but I'd better head out before things get worse.

Praise God, the doctor appointment went well yesterday with my sister (in-law) and extra cool bonus - the guesstimated due date just so happens to be MY birthday! I can't wait to hear about the ultrasound next week. (Is it weird that I am just excited for their pregnancy as I'd be for my own?)

Stay safe and warm! God Bless.

Babes into Autumn!

2008-02-11T08:27:00.000-05:00

We had a fantastic weekend! You can read all about our little pilgrimage trip to Emmitsburg in my last post. I ended that post with a mention of heading to some friends' for dinner. That was a lot of fun, with another family in attendance as well. After dinner, the adults (and the 12-year-olds girls) played Pictionary - I'd forgotten how much fun that game is. Our team didn't technically win (due to dice rolling inabilities), but we definitely outplayed the guys.

The best part of the evening, nay - the whole weekend, was an interruption to our game. First Husband's phone buzzed in his pocket, but he let it go to voicemail after mouthing to me that it was his brother-in-law. Then, my phone buzzed in my pocket - it was the same brother-in-law, so I felt it must be important for the attempt to track us down. And it was.

They are pregnant! They'd been hoping and trying for nearly a year and it wasn't looking like they'd be able to do it without some medical assistance. Of course, we've all been praying for them and we can't be more thrilled for their family to grow! This is their first pregnancy and I am all too aware that things don't always go as planned, but I pray that their hearts will be spared the aching my own has endured. I pray this pregnancy goes perfectly well and in the fall, we will have another niece or nephew to love.

Would you please pray with us? Also, they have their first doctor appointment today, so pray that goes well and all is well.

Pilgrimage

2008-02-09T17:23:00.001-05:00

Today, our little family took a day trip up to Emmitsburg, Maryland. There are several cool things in Emmitsburg, particularly if you share the same faith as we do.

First, we traveled to the Grotto, which is a replica of the one at Lourdes. We arrived a few minutes too late to attend the noon mass, but when we reached the grotto itself, we happened upon a group being led in the rosary by a priest. So, we joined in (they'd just begun - score!). Afterward, it was incredibly crowded, so we didn't actually get inside the grotto, but we prayed there and marveled at thinking of how many "pilgrims" have come to this holy place on a mountain for the past two hundred years.

The grounds surrounding the grotto are incredible, with beautiful statues and a path with all 20 Mysteries of the Rosary done in mosaic. It is clear the place is well-loved and cared-for, in spite of the traffic.

After quite a hike to the Chapel of the Immaculate Conception, we enjoyed some time in quiet prayer out of the cold damp air. As we ascended the "mountain", we gazed up at the towering golden statue of the mother of our Lord. (At least that is what I told myself as I was overheating from the hundreds of steps to get back to our car.)

I'd packed a picnic lunch and though it was quite chilly, we enjoyed the shade behind Mother Seton's Basilica and Museum. In the museum, they had a movie presentation about Elizabeth Ann's life and works. We enjoyed the beautiful Basilica and more time in quiet prayer.

Many pieces of our faith in America sprang forth from that peaceful valley. We'd love to take another trip to see all the things we didn't squeeze in this afternoon. It was a wonderful way to spend a Saturday.

Now, we're off to dinner with friends. May you have a blessed weekend and a wonderful mini-Easter!

Babes of Summer

2008-02-07T14:00:00.000-05:00

If you know me at all, you know that I've been longing for another baby for years. We have two living daughters and many other angels that have gone before we were ready to let go. You can read about our most challenging loss here (read onto the next entry by clicking at the bottom of that page). We have been pregnant 9 times. It sounds like a sad story, for sure, but make no mistake, we are incredibly grateful for our two beautiful daughters.

It doesn't stop the shame and slight achiness in my chest, however, when I hear others' fantastic news.

And this summer, I am going to be overwhelmed by the joy of others. We have 6 babies due this summer in the circles of our friendships.

Our first goddaughter is going to have a baby brother in May. This will be our friends' third baby in less than 3 years. I do not envy that. Seriously. I do not even think I have the grace to handle three in diapers. They live just outside Atlanta.

Another Atlanta baby! My dear friend, Becca, is expecting her second daughter in June. We are beyond thrilled for their family. And we know Rach will make a fantastic big sister!

And another Atlanta baby! Other friends are expecting #4 in July. Their oldest is a girl just about Silly Sally's age. My guess is that they will have another boy - giving them girl, boy, girl, boy. I pray this little babe is mellow and offsets his/her older sister, who is wild at 2.

Friends in central Georgia (was there something in the water in Georgia last fall?!?!) are expecting #s 5 & 6 in July (actually the same week as my friends immediately above). This family is incredibly sweet and I know that the new babies - both boys - are going to be adored by their older sister and brothers.

Finally, a friend in DC is expecting her first in July. I don't know if she plans to find out the sex or not, but I know she could use the most prayers. She's an established career woman and is slightly freaking out about whether or not she will know what to do as a mother. I am planning to put together a booklet for her with all the advice she doesn't need. Kind of like a "stuff-people-tell-you-that-means-absolutely-nothing-when-you-actually-bring-the-baby-home". A funny book about all the bad advice people give you as you prepare for your first baby. I'm thrilled to accept your stories for addition into the book. I'm thinking "what not to expect when you're expecting, even though everyone else seems to think you should expect it"...

I am thrilled for all my friends. But I can't help my weakness seeping in and smacking me upside the head, as if God is taunting me with my inability to maintain pregnancy (heck, I haven't even ovulated in 2+ years, so staying pregnant is hardly my current problem). So, this Lent, I am committed to really trying to lay this "burden" at the foot of the Cross. I'd like to just feel content with where we are right now - even if I can't get to the place right now where I feel like our family is "complete".

And seriously, I'm wondering how I can plan to be in Georgia for about 6 weeks this summer so we can be around for all these babies. It is going ot be incredibly exciting!!

Ash Wednesday Plans

2008-02-06T14:28:00.000-05:00

Greetings! I know I've basically been MIA for the past few months. I won't apologize, as that assumes there are those who are missing me. I do know it may be true, as I've gotten at least one or two messages lately asking for an update. So here I am.
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There are lots of things stewing around in my head that I'd love to write about. Perhaps I will make Lent a time of sacrificing some of my time to write about things that are important to me. Things that may turn off a few of you, I don't know. But I've given it some thought and I'd really like to write some things that are not so much about my life and what's going on in it - but things that are about how I feel about certain issues. I won't call it sharing my wisdom, because I'm far from wise. Rather, I'm thinking some words about what I believe and why - just my perspective. Because blogs are nothing if not a bit about narcissism.

If there is something you'd like to read about in particular, send me a comment and let me know. Otherwise, you're basically going to get some stuff about what I believe, why, and how I got to this point. Every day? Hopefully. I will not be posting on Fridays or Sundays during Lent, so that basically is 5 posts a week for more than a month. I know it's a stretch, but I'm certain I can do it. Right after I run those 3 miles each morning. haha.

Today, I'll take care of some light housekeeping around here - dust off the keys, so to speak.

-- My health is the same. I had my appointment with the specialist at the end of January and he knows nothing. I have more tests for them to do and I have a follow-up ultrasound for the cysts they found right after Christmas. For now, he doesn't think it's hypothyroidism (due to my blood work from November), but all the signs point to that, so he doesn't know what to think. The other thing, he has no idea why my temperature is so low (bordering on hypothermic many days). Even if I have hypothyroidism, it is rare that it would cause this low of temps. So, nothing new to report. [I could still use your prayers. I feel rotten most days - think of how bad you feel if you have a fever and imagine that, only cold instead - now imagine feeling like that roughly 5 days/week. So, definitely not life-threatening or anything too severe, but it's a constant blah - not to mention the headaches that come with it.]

-- I'm wanting a blog redesign - a complete overhaul. I cannot spend money on it during Lent, so if you know of some great layouts that an idiot can implement for free, please let me know. Or if you know a blog designer willing to do some pro bono work, send me their way. ha!

-- If you haven't been reading the incredible story of Tricia and Gwyneth, as told by Nate, you must go. But be prepared to weep at God's witness through them. They are quite a family! If you don't have time to read through everything, please just remember to keep them in your prayers.

-- Most of you who know me also know Raelyn. Please remember to keep her in your prayers as she continues chemo for traphoblastic disease.

-- If you need a laugh, go read this. I seriously chuckled for days when it crossed my mind. Then she posted this, which is almost as funny.

Have a blessed day.

Please Participate!

2008-02-01T09:44:00.000-05:00

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Mary at Owlhaven has more kids than you can imagine. 4 of her daughters were born in Ethiopia and the country has captured Mary's heart in a very tangible way. Her writing is fantastic, but the love for her children is what keeps me reading. Mary has detailed the social situation in her daughters' native country and it is so sad that there are so many people living in such poverty. We cannot even imagine what it'd be like to experience some of what they go through each day. Most women are so poor they don't even have a blanket for their newborn! The hospital workers wash everything by hand, including sheets, towels, etc.!
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Mary's family has really embraced the cause and her parents and sister will be going to Ethiopia this summer to help train nurses and do odd jobs in an attempt to help make a difference. Mary had this brilliant idea of getting some bloggers to donate blankets to supply the hospital with something to present to each newborn baby to take home. Initially, many of us wanted to make blankets to be taken there by her family - but the suggestion of collecting monetary donations in order for her family to purchase the blankets from local merchants (thus stimulating the economy while freeing up suitcase space for things like medical books, et al), has led to today. Today is the day we can all make a difference - if even to one baby, one family. Please go to Mary's place and make a donation.
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But wait, there's more! Mary thought it'd be great if she could raise $500 - to supply about 100 blankets to the hospital. Then she issued a challenge - dreaming big, thinking we could help thousands to us all to raise the money for a commercial washing machine. $2000.00 USD
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Won't you please consider donating to this worthy cause? I did!

By the Grace of God

2008-01-13T19:06:00.000-05:00

These past weeks, I've had a difficult time getting back on track. I'm wiped out, frankly. I had some discouraging news from the doctor (hopefully, her hunch is wrong - but we won't know for sure for at least another month). I'm slow to recover from being sick. And my general feeling of blah has continued to prevail.

We've been having a rough time getting back on schedule with school. We are probably about 2 weeks behind where I'd planned to be by this time of the year (partially due to the fact that I was just so sick in Florida that we didn't get done the things I'd brought with us for the month). It's discouraging not to be where I'd planned, but we're hoping that in the next few weeks we can finish up 2nd quarter and be on track to finish by the end of May/first week of June. We'll get there, but for right now, it's just one more frustration.

But today I was humbled. Brought to my knees. I got an email from a friend. She and I haven't been in touch as much as I'd like - mostly due to her high-powered career and general bad timing (everyone is so busy these days, including me). I have actually talked a lot more to her husband (also my friend) lately. When I was in Florida, she was in PA, visiting family, so we haven't seen each other in many months.... You know, general busyness. Anyway, her email took my breath away.

Last week, there was a huge accident on the interstate. About 70 vehicles were involved. And our friend, the husband, was in the middle of it. It took rescue workers many hours to free him from his vehicle and by all accounts, it is a miracle that he not only survived, but stayed conscious through the ordeal. (If you look at that webpage, you can see a picture of our friend at the bottom of the page - he's the guy on the stretcher being taken into the hospital from the roof helicopter pad.) He had emergency surgery and came through it well, in spite of being in extreme critical condition at the scene. It is most miraculous that he is home today, recovering in his own bed after only 3 nights in the hospital. We are grateful for God's love and mercy.

If you are so inclined, please pray for all those involved in this accident, particularly those who mourn the loss of a loved one.

We definitely feel grateful tonight that God spared our friend. We imagine that what he went through was like hell. And we pray for his quick and complete recovery - next time, we're just coming over anyway, no matter how busy you are.

Until next time, squeeze your loved ones a little tighter, linger longer over a goodnight kiss... God Bless you.

Merry Christmas

2007-12-29T10:42:00.000-05:00

We are home. Actually, we've been home since Thursday night. We took two days to make the drive, since I haven't been feeling well. We were back in Baltimore by noon on Thursday, but dropped the kids with a friend and headed to the ER, where we spent the rest of the day.

The good news is there is nothing life-threatening going on. The bad news is we have no idea what is going on. They gave me some IV fluids, a scrip to get the bleeding to stop and sent me home with instructions to take it easy until my follow-up next Thursday.

I'm annoyed because I'm going to miss a Christmas party tonight and I really wanted to go. Plus, my house looks like a bomb went off, what with all the stuff that came back from Florida with us. I would like to unpack and get laundry done and get the house cleaned, but I fainted yesterday morning when I was cleaning up a mess made overnight by a sick kid. So, you know, life is GREAT these days. haha.

The good news is my sense of humor is still intact and I'm not going crazy just yet.

If you are so inclined, please continue to pray for me, my health especially. It is possible that what is going on right now is also thyroid-related, so my appointment at the end of January can't come fast enough as far as we are concerned.

I hope you all had as nice a Christmas as we did (in spite of my being pretty sick).

God Bless you.

I'm here....

2007-12-15T16:56:00.000-05:00

Sorry to leave you hanging all week. I'm so touched by your concern and grateful for all your prayers. My doctor suspects that whatever is going on (not coming from my bladder, by the way, which is fantastic news) is related to my lack of cycles and I'm just having breakaway stuff. Pretty gross, but at least it doesn't seem to be anything to be concerned about. Not yet anyway. The end of January should bring more difinitive answers as that is when I see the specialist in Baltimore.

So, we've been busy doing what you do when you're visiting family. We're visiting with family. We've spent a lot of time with Husband's grandparents, who are 89 and almost 89 years old. It is pretty sad how much they continue to decline between visits - they were more lucid in August. Grandfather gets emotional each evening when I take them home, which just makes me feel like dirt. I love them a whole lot and feel guilty that we live so far away. I know it can't be helped right now, but I do feel a tremendous sadness when I realize that this month may be our last together. On the other hand, they don't really have anything pressing health-wise, so they could last a few more years - but at what cost? They are already feeling lonely and annoyed at their lack of memory.

I've spent some time with a friend here this week and my heart hurts for her and her family - she's got three almost-grown kids and they're having some issues with the kids. Her daughter is adopted and went through some things similar to what I did as a kid - although some things were absolutely worse than what I experienced. Mother and daughter are having a difficult time connecting with one another and things have gotten way out of hand. It is terribly sad. It makes me think even more that what I shall write about eventually is abuse and the effects it has on girls, in particular.

This weekend, Husband's aunt has come up from Fort La-dee-da to see the girls. It's a four hour drive, so we are honored that she carved the time from her busy schedule to come see us. Tonight, I will be trying to reconnect with a longtime friend who has been in crisis for almost two years - so that should be real fun. Tomorrow, more visiting and then we're headed to Orlando for a mini-break with my mother. I'm really looking forward to our vacation within a vacation. It's a great way to get ready for Christmas - we'll be going to Epcot's Candlelight Processional and around to the Disney hotels to see the elaborate gingerbread creations.

Well, I'm babbling on and this isn't terribly interesting, but I did want to update. I hope you are all having a wonderful weekend and finishing up your holiday preparations.

God Bless!

Sorry about my absence

2007-12-10T13:13:00.000-05:00

The girls and I are in Florida [husband returned to MD this morning after being with us for the weekend]. We've been enjoying the time with our family, particularly the great-grandparents.

As our plane was preparing to land in Tampa, I was excitedly pointing out the areas where my in-laws live, my mom, and we even flew directly over my cousin's neighborhood, which was pretty neat, even though I couldn't pick out her house among the trees. Sally asked why I was smiling so big and was surprised when I said "It's just good to be home." It really is good to be home.

I could use some prayers, though, as I'm having some weird and rather disturbing health issues. I happened to have an appointment already set for this afternoon, so I'm relieved to have a doctor checking me out this afternoon after the weirdness of the weekend. I'll let you know if there's anything to know, but let's just hope that I have an infection. I have a feeling, though, I'll need to see a specialist and I'm quite glad to have parental support during a time when I'm just feeling anxious. I haven't slept all weekend and it's really just making the whole thing worse, I suppose. Anyway.... Now that you're all worried... I might as well just say - I've had some bizarre bleeding and I initially thought it was "normal" stuff, but further observation shows it was probably from my bladder (kidney?). Due to the amount of blood, it could be quite a concern (or a really bad infection? which we are actually hoping for). [The other theory is that I've had another miscarriage that was oddly complete with no warning spotting, no afterward spotting... I have no reason to believe I was even pregnant - no evidence of ovulation in more than 2 years. But, my mother-in-law actually suggested that we might be relieved to find out that I was, in fact, pregnant. So, we'll see.] I'll keep you posted.

Signing off for now, after sharing more than I'd planned. I can't seem to make myself delete it all, though, since I find that very specific prayers sometimes make me feel much better. So, I'm asking, please pray for me.

Until later, God bless you.

Last Day

2007-11-30T09:07:00.000-05:00

Avenue Q was hilarious last night. We're dorks, though, and arrived an hour before the show.

Off to a soccer game this morning, Sally's first. Later.

Cop Out Post

2007-11-29T18:57:00.000-05:00

2nd to last day of NaBloPoMo and I have a long to do list and very little time left to accomplish the list.
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Husband rocked it last night and hung the lights outside, so that's done. Along with changing the bulb out there.
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Today, I did quite a bit, but looking around, it doesn't really seem like it.
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So you get a meme. Because someone offered it to me and because I am short on time and ideas. Plus my phone is ringing.
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phone....

Day 28: Wordless Wednesday

2007-11-28T09:23:00.000-05:00

A 30th birthday party in August with some of our favorite people. You can see here that Husband held on to his beard for a couple months after our beach vacation.

Bookworm hamming it up in DC.

The girls on their first fishing trip in May - with my uncle.

Silly Sally loving on her cousin in Ohio.

We have had the BEST year.

Day 27: Pretty sure this isn't going so well

2007-11-27T23:10:00.000-05:00

My house looks like boxes exploded everywhere. It is insane - Husband had 5 days off work and insisted that we decorate the house for Christmas, even though we're spending the holiday in Florida - and the girls and I will be there for a few weeks.

So, all weekend, he was off work. And can you guess when he brought the boxes upstairs? (Last year it was all me, since Husband was already living in a hotel up here and the girls and I were still in Georgia.) Yeah, he brought the boxes upstairs when I was on my way out the door Sunday afternoon. I was not annoyed. Oh, no, I was not. Okay, maybe a little... When I returned, the tree was up and mostly decorated and there were boxes and things strewn everywhere. I spent some time putting some things away and placing some items that we haven't seen in a few years due to all the moving and whatnot. And today is Tuesday. And there are still boxes sitting around, waiting for me to decide what I'm going to do with the contents.

I will have to take some pictures once everything is done and the boxes are cleaned up. I have broken out the paper, though, and have started a list. We are hosting a dinner party on Saturday, so things must be just so (I can't figure out exactly why we are this way - we want people to feel comfortable and welcome and that we made extra effort for them to enjoy themselves, I suppose). On my list so far?

+Finish decorating

+New window treatments in the living room (the ones I made in the spring look ridiculous for the holidays and winter season)

+New pillow covers for 10 pillows

+shop for dinner party, plus prepare main course

+clean

+rehang the towel bar in the powder room (after I patched the wall yesterday morning, since Bookworm decided to use the bar to steady herself while trying to jump into the pedestal sink a couple weeks ago)

+finish the laundry, including iron the napkins for the dinner

+string lights on the porch rails, plus replace bulb next to front door

+help girls make birthday gift for Friday afternoon's birthday party

+get directions and make arrangements for the sitter for Friday night, so we can enjoy a night out, courtesy of my sister-in-law and her husband

+oh, start getting ready for being away from home for 3 weeks - yeah, that.

I better hit publish - it is moments from midnight and I really need to be heading to bed. I watched last week's episode of Grey's tonight (did you know you can watch prime time shows online?) and ohmygoodness. I am totally freaking out. I can't wait til I have a moment next week to see this Thursday's episode!

Good night.

(by the way, you really only have to put up with my dribble for a few more days - well, actually, you don't have to put up with it at all. And seemingly, there are very few of you who are.)

Irony

2007-11-26T23:04:00.000-05:00

Tonight, the lead stories on the news:
on one channel: "double shooting in south Baltimore"
on another channel: "International Peace Summit in Annapolis tomorrow."
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Does anyone else find it bizarre that our state is hosting a peace summit 30 miles from a city that can tout a whopping 264 homicides so far this year?

Blessings

2007-11-25T21:31:00.000-05:00

This afternoon, Bookworm and I attended the baptism of a friend. These occasions always make me appreciate the church of my faith. The beauty of the words, the promises... the giving of the child to a life filled with God's presence.... The ritual of anointing, then flowing water, aromatic chrism.... A new life in Christ.

Thank you, friends, for inviting us to share in your joy today. And welcome, Charlie! May your life be blessed with rich faith and abundant love.

a night with my daughter

2007-11-24T16:32:00.000-05:00

Coughing, over and over
fear, bordering on mania
the dark of night brings the most extreme thoughts
as dawn breaks, the imaginings become unreasonable and frightening
a product of sleep deprivation, piled on top of worry
the echo doesn't stop, panicked little face, as she tries to halt the caving and jerking with each cough
bruises under four eyes, as mother and daughter search the face of the other - silently begging for relief, for sleep
three hours in the clinic, two prescriptions, pity chicken nuggets...
Neither one of us can wait for bedtime tonight.

Black Friday

2007-11-23T20:10:00.000-05:00

I did not directly participate in this crazy tradition this year. Something to do with everything being different this Thanksgiving? Maybe. The last 6 years, I have braved the chilly weather to get in line for deals on things that were on our gift-giving list - as well as buy some things that were just good deals, even though we definitely didn't need them.

I did, however, head to C0mp U.S.A. last night (can you believe they were open from 9-12?!) My plan was to get my mother-in-law's gift (a digital photo frame) and they happened to have a great price on an 8 inch frame. I was able to get one of the last two on the shelf and headed over to the audio section to pick up a couple other things. I mutilated the $50 budget Husband and I allotted for each other, by getting him something he really wanted, but doesn't think he'd get. He'll be disappointed he didn't get what he really wanted, though. The check-out lines stretched to the back of the store, so I was relieved the guy at the audio counter was willing to ring up my items. I was back home within 45 minutes.

This morning, I awoke to piano practicing, so Husband and I were both slightly grumpy (of course, last night I stayed up way too late, copying digital photos for the gift). I had a down day today, but after sleeping all afternoon, I made a Thanksgiving-esque supper with turkey, stuffing, squash, homemade applesauce... And now I'm ready for bed. ha! I actually have to get dressed and run out to purchase sneakers for Silly Sally who may or may not be playing her first soccer scrimmage tomorrow morning, depending on how well she's breathing. (Of course, she picked up a cold this week and now can't breathe - the day before her soccer debut.)

It's a good thing I've got a husband home for a few days to help take care of the kids. :) We do have lots of plans this weekend, so I'm hoping tomorrow will be a good day.

Another lame post. I'll try another day.

Bless you!

Happy Thanksgiving

2007-11-22T09:22:00.000-05:00

Today, I am thankful for many blessings. We have a wonderful extended family, who love us very much - and we miss them all so! Our nuclear family is even better - we are blessed to really enjoy one another and rely on each other in a way that I think can only come when you are separated from the familiar over and over (one of the few advantages of moving all over the place in a short amount of time, I suppose). We have great friends in many states. God has certainly helped us to be happy in every location we've been called.

We had a good time last night and made some new friends during our pub crawl. Nobody was crawling by the end of the night and the highlight was definitely the place that had cheap beer and open mic and guitar night. It turns out one of our crew is a great blues guitarist, so it was fun sitting there while he played.

This morning, we went to mass with less than a dozen others in the chapel. We wonder why others don't think of this day of thanks as a "religious" holiday - is the thanks we offer not to the One Who has given all? This afternoon, we'll be heading to a hotel Thanksgiving dinner, courtesy of one of Husband's colleagues - I initially thought that wouldn't be so great, but the freedom not to spend the day in the kitchen (and the subsequent cleanup) makes me incredibly thankful. We are also considering taking the girls to see "Enchanted" today, a way to be "with" our siblings in California who are also flying solo this holiday.

I wish you and yours a blessed holiday weekend.

Before I'm too drunk to post....

2007-11-21T16:12:00.001-05:00

We've had a busy week, what with the IKEA shopping, cookie baking, tonight's pub crawl, tomorrow's dinner and a movie, Friday's shopping and possible trip into DC and possible cocktails with friends, Saturday's first soccer games and a college basketball game to attend, then Sunday's baptism and church and dessert reception at a friends'.....

We are blessed this Thanksgiving. I will be back tomorrow with a properly thankful post.

Travel safely.

Product Review: Clorox

2007-11-20T21:00:00.000-05:00

A while back, I signed up on the Clorox site to be a product tester. I received a full-size Clorox Toilet Wand with storage caddy and additional sponge heads to try out first. This was a great product - I like the convenience of having the cleaning product right in the pad. There is enough in there to clean all three toilets in our house with one scrubber sponge. Best of all? I push a button and the icky sponge falls right into the wastebasket when I'm done. I rinse the handle and am done. No mess, no drips. This is a product that I will definitely use.

A couple weeks ago, I received a small bottle of Clorox Anywhere Spray and I don't quite know what to think of this product. I can't tell it's doing anything, no odor to speak of, it doesn't seem to clean the counters when I use it - at least no different than if I were to use plain water. So, my review is pretty boring on this product - that is to say, I feel inept at saying whether or not I like it. Perhaps it has prevented salmonella from spreading in my kitchen, I just don't know. I am going to get a full-size bottle of it and use it for a longer period of time before I really determine it is useless.

And yes, I am planning on posting this as my one post for the day. Lame, I know. But, my shoulder is whacked and I need to go put my arm in the sling.

Did you know baking cookies all afternoon isn't very good for bursitis in one's shoulder? Yeah, me neither. Eating them isn't very good for shoulder bursitis either. That repetitive motion, lifting your hand to your mouth for bite after bite.... Must. remain. strong. I just have to remember how much weight I've lost - and how much more I'd like to lose.

Maybe tomorrow I will come up with something more fun to read. I don't know, because we're doing yard work tomorrow. happy happy joy joy